EVE
by The Author's Mighty Pen
Summary: A guardian angel comes to John Bates and begins an introspective journey that will help him find love and love of himself. She is Eve.
1. Angel

He pulled off his coat, switching his briefcase to his other hand, and flapped the sleeve to get it off. Someone came up behind him and grabbed the coat, helping sluff it off his body before reaching up to take the hat from his head. He turned and saw a reed of a woman, with a mass of black hair bundled up on top of her head. She smiled at him.

"You're nine o' clock said he'd be late today and your lunch was pushed back to noon. If you change your driver I think you could be home by five thirty today."

"Excuse me?"

The woman paused, "That's today's schedule. Mrs. Harding said you always ask for your schedule first and then plan your day around it."

"I know what Mrs. Harding does I'm just wondering why you're here and she's not." He looked her up and down, "Mrs. Harding has red hair and much paler skin than yours."

"It's my Jamaican heritage… or was it Trinidad?" She shrugged, "In the end it's not really the point. The point is, I'm Mrs. Harding's replacement over the holidays. I'm the temp, Eve."

"Eve?"

"They did tell you I'd be filling in for administrative and secretarial duties, didn't they?" Eve huffed, "I guess the line dropped. Honestly I'm wishing for the days when phone calls go wireless like the radio."

The man blinked and the shook his head, extending his hand. "I'm-"

"John Bates, my boss for the next three weeks." Eve shook his hand, "I'm actually rather chuffed to meet you. I followed your case on that man… what was his name… Gable? Gary?"

"Green?"

"Yes," Eve adjusted the coat on her arm and the hat in her hand to applaud, "It was marvelous what you did there. Putting scum like that behind bars. The QB's got to be proud to have you on their side."

"Then you've not paid attention lately."

"You mean the Mason case?" Eve waved a hand, "I followed that one just as closely. You can't win them all."

"I guess not." John pointed toward his office, "I'm going in now. If you need anything just knock."

"Don't worry Mr. Bates, I've got this."

John nodded slowly, feeling a little run over by the vibrant personality at seven thirty in the morning. He had a hand to the door before he stopped and pivoted to see her hanging his coat in the small closet. "Where'd you say you were from again?"

"The temp agency."

"No, nationally."

"I didn't." She stepped back, "But a little here and there, a bit of everywhere I guess. I'm a melting pot."

"Like, America?"

"Spent some time there." Eve took her seat, tugging her skirt closer to her knees, "I just go where I'm needed."

"And the temp agency sent you there?"

Eve's eyes didn't quite meet his as she looked to the side before scrunching her face, "They send me where there's a job to be done."

"Interesting agency."

"It certainly is. I get to meet a lot of interesting people."

"Not everyone, surely."

Eve seemed to think a minute before shaking her head, "Nope, they're all interesting."

John scoffed, "I'll be sorry when I disappoint you then."

Eve went to respond when the phone rang. She held up a finger to stop his thought and picked up the ringing phone, "Office of John Bates, CPS. Yes I'll put you right through to his line." Eve pulled the phone back from her ear and covered the receiver, "You'd better take this."

John pushed into his office and felt a little too frazzled to start his day. But he put down his briefcase and picked up the phone, "John Bates."

* * *

After the nine o' clock meeting (now starting at nine thirty) went longer than expected John gathered a stack of papers on his desk to give his secretary. She met him at the door and grabbed them from his arm before placing a cup of tea in his hands, "You need the boost."

"How'd you-"

"Know?" She adjusted the papers in her arms, "Instinct. And I added a touch of milk, since it's not Earl Grey, as well as a shot of cinnamon. Helps to clear the congestion in your nose."

"How'd you know I was congested?"

"You didn't wear a scarf today and you've been sniffing all morning." Eve handed over some tissues, "I'd also recommend warmer socks."

John blinked at her, sipping at the tea. It warmed his mouth and the taste of cinnamon brought him back to another question, "How'd you know I like cinnamon. Even Mrs. Harding doesn't know that."

"I'm good at what I do. Observant." She flicked through the pages, "Sorting into the appropriate files?"

"I need the research team to handle those."

"I'll get Ms. Smith right on it." Eve went to leave but John put a hand on her shoulder.

"Not Ms. Smith."

"She's head researcher."

"Yes but," John grunted, "Don't involve her if you don't have to."

Eve eyed him a moment, nodding to herself, "If you insist. You're the boss."

"Most days." John returned to his office and sorted through the papers before going out to speak with Eve. "Ms. Eve-"

"Yes?" She looked up from her desk.

"I need that note about the-"

"The judge is Lord Hepworth. I'd recommend you take him a bottle of sherry considering he just lost his house to a mortgage and then he'll be more inclined to listen to your offered plea deal. The note you're looking for is under your phone but I already rescheduled them for tomorrow at one." Eve pulled a thin file and handed it to him, "And preliminary research on the Haxby case. They recommend a settlement."

John blinked, "You're terribly efficient at this Ms. Eve."

She curtsied, "I try. I also looked over some files and realized that between Mrs. Harding and yourself you don't really have a system."

"Probably because I run the poor girl into the ground and I'm not very organized myself." John thumbed through the file. "If you want you can-"

"I already did." Eve handed over a paper, "This is a guide to the file drawers. Thought it'd be helpful."

John looked between the paper and Eve, "Are you sure you're only a temp Ms. Eve? You seem over qualified."

"I'm just very good." She nodded at him, "Your eleven o' clock lunch is here. Best not make them wait."

* * *

John gathered his things at the end of the day and looked over his desk. It, like his office, was spotless. Every file was organized, summaries were within reach, and the research was already in his briefcase for the night. He shook his head and only looked up as Eve knocked on the door before entering.

John spread his hands at the office, "I don't know how you did Ms. Eve but if I weren't so fond of the report I already share with Mrs. Harding I'd request you stay on permanently."

"That's very much appreciated." Eve clasped her hands in front of her, "I actually had a question."

"After all you did for me today there's actually something I can do for you?" John chuckled, "I'm at your disposal as you seem so willing to be at mine."

"That's just it," She cringed, "It's not a question you'd want to answer."

"Really?" John gestured to the seat in front of his desk and he took his. "What could you possibly ask that I wouldn't want to answer?"

"How'd you get this way?"

"What?"

"It's December first, Mr. Bates." Eve pointed at the office. "You've got no decorations, I checked your schedule and you've no plans for the day, and none of the calls to the office are personal ones."

"This is a business, Ms. Eve."

"Oh I know." Eve nodded, "But you used to be so lively."

"You say that like you know me."

"But I do, Mr. Bates." Eve laughed a little, "I've known you for a very long time."

John narrowed his eyes, "How do you know me?"

"I've been watching you."

"I think we've just crossed a line Ms. Eve." John reached for the phone but Eve stopped him, taking the phone out of his reach.

"It's just Eve and the reason I've been watching you for a long time is because I'm your guardian angel."

John widened his eyes and snorted, "Guardian angel?"

"Laugh all you want but how else would I know the scar on your left knee was from that time the window in your mother's house exploded during the Blitz?" John paled slightly as Eve continued, "That shard of glass flew right for your face but suddenly you felt someone move your knee. Didn't you ever wonder who did that?"

"I thought-"

"Or the time you and your ex-wife were driving and she careened off the road? You thought you were dead for sure and yet you survived the crash with only some nerve damage and a broken leg?" Eve smiled at him, "Those were me."

"Why?"

"Because you're destined for so much more, Mr. Bates." Eve stood, "And I'm here to help you see that."

"I think you're wasting your time."

"It's never a waste. Even having to stand by as you broke Ms. Smith's heart." Eve let out a bitter sound, "I wanted to throttle you myself I was so angry with you. Letting Vera get in the way again?"

"There was nothing I could do."

"You could've gone back after you got your divorce." Eve leaned over the desk, "You broke her heart and she cried for weeks."

"It was better she realize I wasn't the person for her."

"But you are," Eve sat down in the chair again, her elbows going to the table as she clutched at the air, "You are everything she needs and it's you who doesn't see that."

"I'm not the kind of person worth saving."

"You're wrong, Mr. Bates," Eve pointed her finger in his face, "And I'm going to prove it to you."

"How?"

"By doing my job." Eve stood again, "You're in need of someone to help you examine your sins. Someone to help you feel renewed."

"People like me don't deserve that."

"I beg to differ seeing as a higher power than myself commissioned me for this." Eve stood, straightening her clothes, "It's time to face your demons, Mr. Bates, and for me to guide you through it."

"You'll be my Virgil?"

"If you like. Unlike Dante, we're not going through the levels of Hell." Eve tapped the desk top, "Though it may feel like it."

"Why?"

"Because you, John Bates, are living beneath your privileges. And it's time you realized that so we can fix it."


	2. Holly and Ivy

John shifted and his head came off his desk. Only the jerk of his body saved him from a painful impact with the edge . He snorted himself awake, blinking rapidly to clear sleep from his eyes.

The details of the case spread about him, one of them stuck to his hand. John sorted the papers back in order, shuffling them them back into their folder to try and bring a semblance of order to the chaos. Squinting at the clock he groaned and stood, gathering all the loose papers to his briefcase before closing it with a familiar and almost comforting snap.

Leaving his study, his footsteps muffled over the hardwood of his flat and he left the briefcase near the door to be ready for his departure in a few minutes. As he stood up John paused, sounds from the kitchen drawing his attention. John walked slowly to the doorway, jaw dropping at the sight of Eve sorting the contents of his refrigerator.

She smiled at him, continuing her work, "You'd be surprised exactly what you can make with the contents of your fridge. Not much but something."

"What are you doing here?"

Eve stood up, carton of eggs in one hand and milk in the other, "Breakfast. So you don't starve and die."

"That milk's gone off."

She took a whiff, grimacing and then gagging, "You're right, that's putrid." Dumping the soured milk down the sink she rinsed the space before tossing the carton in the rubbish, "Well there goes pancakes as an option."

"Why are you digging through my refrigerator to make me food?"

"Because I'm your Guardian Angel and it's come to my attention," Eve was back in the fridge, digging around in the bottom until she found something else, "That you need a lot more hands-on care than I originally anticipated and will you just slide the rubbish bin over here?"

John pushed the bin toward her and Eve took her whole arm to tumble a mess of items into the bin. Within a moment the fridge was starkly bare, "That's better. Fresh start."

"Shouldn't you be worrying about yourself?"

"Ha," Eve thought about the eggs and then tossed them into the bin as well, "I'm an angel, I don't need food."

"Really?"

"It's part of the process. Food's not necessary for my existence anymore though I never say no to a good chocolate cake if I'm being totally honest." She pointed at him, "I know fashion's not your forte or anything but do I really need to tell you that you're wearing the same clothes you wore yesterday?"

John shook his head, "I fell asleep at my desk."

Eve took a seat, crossing her arms and putting one leg over the other and John immediately felt that he was under scrutiny in an interview. "So you work all day and then come home, eat something- probably from a take away carton- before falling asleep while working more?"

John refused to answer, turning on his tap to get cold water into a glass before checking if he had any tea bags to boil. The cupboards were all but bare and he sighed, closing the door. "Shouldn't you know that since you're my Guardian Angel?"

"Technically, yes, but when I'm here I can't exactly be omnipresent. I actually can't be omnipresent at all but since I'm actually on the same plane as you now there are things I don't know as readily anymore. Information I can't just access at a whim. That presence of mind is under development but right now I need to be in the moment for the person who needs me at the moment."

"Do you?"

"It's paramount to the success of my job." Eve nodded, "And that person is you, in case I was too vague."

"I'm thrilled." John swirled the water in the glass, "Too busy down here to stay on top of things?"

"I've got a line to some others who could help me out but they're busy and why ask them when I can ask you?"

"There're more of you?" John rubbed a hand over his face before drinking the cold water down. "All just helping people find happiness?"

"What do you think people do when they die? Play racquetball?"

"How should I know, I've never died." John took a seat at the table, "You mentioned that you got sent here because of some higher power, that's all I've got."

"It's true. It was a direct commission and I don't usually get many of those."

"What kind of commission?"

Eve shrugged, "You're British, you're familiar with _A Christmas Carol_ right?"

"Of course I am."

"Think of this like that… except instead of an old business partner I'm here because a few people prayed really hard and a very loving individual saw fit in His infinite mercy to send me exclusively to you." Eve pointed at him at the end of her statement, "It's a big thing Mr. Bates."

"Weren't you busy with something else?"

"Never too busy to answer a direct order from the Man himself." Eve smiled to herself before looking a bit contemplative, "I do tend to worry about a few people at once. But we all manage. The nature of being an angel is that there aren't as many of us as you'd like to think who can actually do this job."

John leaned over the table, "Oh, and why's that?"

"Without getting too technical into a branch of religion you know nothing about, there are a few requirements for angelic apparition. For a regular message, like Mr. Marley to Mr. Scrooge, that could be anyone. Before they were born or after they died because they just need a sense of corporeal form, not the genuine article. People like myself, on the other hand, need to interact with the physical world." Eve rapped her knuckles gently on John's head, "Like so. Not many people get that privilege and it's a huge responsibility."

"So if I cock it all up for you…?"

Eve frowned, "I don't understand what you're implying."

John pointed to himself, "If I ruin all this what happens to you?"

"Why would something happen to me?"

"Isn't there a consequence if you fail?"

"No. Every man is an agent unto himself and therefore will be judged accordingly." Eve laughed a little, "This isn't a test for me to get my wings or anything if that's what's you're worried about."

"You've seen _It's a Wonderful Life_?"

"Of course I have. I love Jimmy Stewart." Eve slapped the tabletop, "But you need to shower and change. Get me all your clothes for the cleaners and I'll get breakfast for us on the way back."

"Ms. Eve…"

"My name's just Eve. If you're being technically accurate it's Christmas Eve but I find it long winded. It's God given as a name but I prefer Eve. Makes it all a little less awkward at parties."

John stopped a moment, shook his head, and addressed her again, "As kind as I think you're trying to be, you're wasting your time and you should just go and help someone who's not me."

"Someone not hopelessly miserable is that it?"

John threw up his hands, "Why not? Good a description as any."

Eve chuckled, "Because, Mr. Bates, I respond to a higher power. He ordered me here and so you can't get rid of me."

"I can't?"

"There are ways you could but I doubt you'd want to walk that particular path, even for as low as you feel about yourself."

"What if I say I don't want you around?" John stood, holding up his hands, "What would you do then?"

"I'd say that's a lie, because I can tell, and that at the end of the day I'm not here for you."

John blinked, "What?"

"I'm not here for you." Eve enunciated each word, "Clear?"

"No," John shook his head, 'Why bother coming to me if you're not here for me? That makes no sense."

Eve stood, supporting her weight with her arms on the table, "It does if you realize that it's not all about you."

"It isn't?"

Eve snorted, "No, it's not. Despite how far you wedged your head up your own ass, you'd never ask for help on your own so a lot of people asked for you."

"I ask for help."

"No, you don't. Do you know why?" John shook his head slowly, "You don't ask for help because you've believed your whole life that you bring every miserable thing on yourself, not matter how big a lie that was."

"I don't-"

Eve moved so fast John could not stop her. Her palm stuck to his forehead and she grabbed the back of his neck. In a flash John was in the tiny flat in London's east side and Eve was beside him.

He looked across the room and saw a man about his height with a bottle in his fist. A crying boy huddled in the corner while the man took another swig from the bottle before throwing just above the boy's head. It smashed on the wall and the boy covered his head to protect himself from the falling pieces. John flinched and he looked to see Eve stand there.

Pointing to the boy John hissed at her, "Aren't you going to help him?"

"I can't help him." Eve turned to John, "You have to."

"What?"

"Don't you recognize the room?"

John took another turn around the flat and noted the pictures on the mantle. The cracked one tipped over and balancing a small red ball on top of it. He swiveled back to see the man grab the boy and slap him once before removing his belt. John flinched at the snap of the leather and watched the boy tearfully turn toward the wall, dropping his trousers.

The strike of leather on skin had John covering his eyes a moment before he lunged for the man. Just as he was about to grab the swinging man John was tipping over the chair behind him, stumbling to his feet. John grabbed for his chest, breathing hard and leaning on the wall as the snap of leather still rang in his ears.

Eve stepped back, folding her arms, "You believed him. Each and every time, you believed him."

John pointed at her with a shaking finger, "You could've stopped him."

"As I said, every man has their agency. When someone chooses not to listen to the better angels of their nature, though it pains us to our core, we can't interfere. To do so would break the highest law of Heaven."

"But you're here now, interfering."

"This isn't interference because you still have your choice."

"It wasn't my choice to bring you here." John almost spat, "You're interfering on my choice to have you gone now."

"But remember, I'm not here for you." Eve walked around the table to stand in front of John. He batted at her but she stepped back to avoid the misaimed swipe. "I'm here because people on either side of that thin veil separating life from death prayed for me to help you."

"What?"

Eve huffed, "You must really like that word."

"Who prayed for you to come to me?"

"Technically they prayed for you and if I gave out names that would be telling. Prayers are private."

"Who sent you?"

Eve raised her hands, "All questions today."

"I want answers."

"I can tell." Eve sniffed, "But get used to disappointment because I'm not answering. You're just deflecting instead of looking inward. All the answers are there if you want to find them."

John growled, kicking the chair, "You're frustrating."

"You're not the first to say so and that's why I'm your Guardian Angel." Eve folded her arms as John paced the kitchen, "I'm here because people who love you prayed that you'd find happiness."

"Who'd care about my happiness?"

"A lot of people if you'd let them." Eve sighed, "At the end of the day I'm the instrument of their faith and not much more. However, the saddest truth in all this, I've a limited span with you before I've got to give over to God's greatest gift to mankind… after His Son of course."

"What gift?"

"Agency. Free will." Eve shrugged, "I've mentioned it a few times. Please keep up because we'll get nowhere if I'm repeating everything."

"I want you gone." John was still breathing hard, trying to get the sound of his childhood tears out of his ears. "I want you to leave me alone."

"Not until I've given everything I have to achieving the directive given me." Eve straighten her blouse in her skirt, "You could wait me out and spend the rest of your life wallowing in self-imposed misery. But I doubt you want that."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Because I think you're more of a Saul." Eve pushed off the wall, "Stop kicking the pricks Mr. Bates. It's your choice but I wouldn't want to break the hearts of those good soul soaking their pillows at night praying you actually decide to change."

"Soaking their pillows?"

"There's been a lot of tears shed for you," Eve grabbed her coat, working her arms into the sleeves, "I think we should do something to stop that. If not for yourself, why not do it for them?"

She left the flat and John slumped to the floor in the kitchen. He buried his palms in his eyes but could only focus on the memory Eve opened in his mind.

* * *

 _It had been an accident. He hadn't intended to bounce the ball so hard. He knew he wasn't supposed to bounce it in the house but he thought it wouldn't be a problem against the wall. But he had thrown it a tad too hard._

 _The ball had flown across the room and crashed into the picture. It cracked the glass and before he could retrieve it the door to the kitchen flew open, banging off the wall. His father, roused by the noise from his drunken stupor on the table, swayed toward him with the bottle still in his fist._

 _Even cowering in the corner, crying, he knew he could only wait. A few years ago he might have soiled himself in fear but he was stronger now. Wetting his trousers would only mean more straps. He ducked as the bottle hurtled toward his head, shattering above him to rain the brown glass down into his hair and clothes and his arms shielding his head._

 _"Get up!" The growl wafted toward him, the whiskey strong even from a distance as he worked his way up the wall to stand. Glass shards tinkled to the floor as they fell from his clothes and when he slipped a little he felt shards bury themselves in his bare feet. The man grabbed him, a large hand slapping across his face to leave his cheek red and throbbing._

 _"Show me your ass boy!"_

 _He sniveled, the tears running new paths down his cheeks as snot dribbled from his nose. His fingers fumbled at his own belt when the snap of his father's made him flinch. He dropped his trousers as he turned, cutting his feet open on the glass and digging pieces further into his feet._

 _The first strike was the hardest of them all. With his father unsteady on his feet it was all he could do to even hit his target. Some of the slaps of the belt struck his back or legs. All left him sobbing harder but only a few left real welts._

 _What hurt more were the words he felt sting him, slung on whiskey-tainted breath. "You're always causing trouble. Everything is your fault. How could I raise such a useless son? You're bringing this on yourself. If only you'd learn your lesson. Grow up. Stop crying. Be a man."_

 _Eventually his father teetered to one of the chairs and slumped into it, the belt dropping from his grip. He lifted his trousers, buckling them back in place and stepping gingerly over the glass on the floor. Smears of blood spread over the floor as he went to the kitchen to find a cloth._

 _With his feet bleeding he gathered the glass into the bin, washing his way backward over the floor to the sound of his father's snores in the chair. All the glass was off the floor, the blood cleaned, and he had a pair of tweezers to pick out the bits of glass when his mother came through the door. She took one look at his feet and grabbed for a frying pan._

 _He huddled in the corner of the kitchen, crying anew at the sound of shouting and yelling from the next room, picking the glass from his feet. There was a slamming door and John's mother returned to the kitchen. The frying pan shook in her hand before she put it in the sink. Her arms shook where they held the counter a moment before she turned back to him._

 _"It'll be alright Johnny." She tried to smile but he could see the bruise forming on her cheek, her shirt and hair disheveled, and the tears in her eyes. "We'll be alright, you'll see. We'll make do. You and me. We'll be fine."_

* * *

John looked up as Eve reentered the flat. She teetered a minute, shutting the door with her foot, and brought the groceries into the kitchen. Pausing in the doorway, she saw John on the floor, and then set the bags on the table.

Kneeling down she took his face in her hands, "He was wrong."

"He left that day. I drove him from the house."

"No, he drove himself from the house and you know what I say to that?" Eve waited but John had no answer for her, "Good riddance to bad rubbish. Dickhead."

"We were always one step from destitute after that. My mother worked herself to the bone because I forced my father from our home." John wiped at the tears in his eyes, "I gave my mother more grief."

"You made your mother strong." Eve grabbed his shoulders, "Do you know how many times she lay in bed at night, while your dad was out drinking or looking for prostitutes, just praying for the courage to leave him?"

John shook his head and Eve answered, "I do because I've met your mother and I was there then. I saw what she endured day in and day out because she thought only of you. But, at the end of the day, when she came home to see you picking glass out of your feet she realized it had to end."

"She gave up safety for me."

"And?" Eve smiled, "She was never happier than when she was with you and you made her so proud. When you came home in your army uniform she was so pleased. And when you became prosecutor for the Crown she was full to the brim with untamable joy. She'd go around your neighborhood talking to everyone about how incredible her son was."

"I failed her."

"You made mistakes, like we all do." Eve stroked a hand over John's cheek, "She died proud of you Mr. Bates. Never forget that."

Eve stood up, "Now, you need to shower, I need to make you food and put the rest away, and then we need to go bring justice to the world." She extended her hand, "Are we in this together Mr. Bates?"

John looked up at her hand, "I don't know if I can do it."

Eve paused then licked her lips, "Do you know the carol _The Holly and the Ivy_?" John nodded, "It's an older one. Not sung as much unless it's a choir performance and they gave all the solos to _Silent Night_ and _O Holy Night_ but it's interesting because it doesn't really talk about the ivy. You get all these descriptions of the holly and how it's components relate to Christmas but nothing about the ivy."

"I just remember a lot of references to a deer."

"That too," Eve pointed at him, "But notice the ivy only appears in the first and last verse but it's there the whole time."

"And?"

"You think you caused your mother all this pain and torment because you only focus on the negatives. You forget the ivy of your experiences, all those happy times because there were some. Maybe not as many and maybe they didn't loom as large but they were there." Eve opened her hand to him again, "Let's find that ivy Mr. Bates."

John nodded and took her hand.


	3. Mistletoe

John turned another page, signing at the bottom and handing it back to Eve. They both looked up when the door opened and a petite blonde woman entered.

"Oh," She froze, "I didn't know you were here. I was looking for Gwen."

"She's on holiday Ms. Smith." Eve took the papers and hurried to the door, "But I'm sure Mr. Bates wants nothing more than to help you. I'll leave you to it."

John opened his mouth to argue as Eve grabbed the door handle and pulled it closed. He sighed and looked up at Anna, who wrung her hands while standing still. Pointing to the chair in front of his desk John stood, "Would you sit?"

"Sure." Anna's heels thumped in the carpet and she smoothed her skirt behind her to sit on the chair. She perched herself on the edge of the seat while her hands continued rubbing. John coughed to clear his throat and sat.

"How can I help you Ms. Smith?"

"You could start by calling me Anna." The smile she attempted barely twitched her upper lip and John wished he could kick himself.

"Sorry, habit I suppose."

"It used to be habit for you to call me Anna."

John paused, his mouth falling open until he caught it. "Yes, it was."

They sat in silence a moment before John put his arms on the desk, "What did you need from Mrs. Harding?"

"I wanted to ask her about the file you sent to research with the express order for me not to touch it." Anna interlaced her fingers and thumped them on her lap, "I hope you don't think that I'm so unprofessional I couldn't handle the research."

"That's not it."

"Then why send critical research to Alfred and Ethel?" Anna faced him, rolling her shoulders back. "They're not bad workers and they've got the new worker fire but they're not good enough for what you need John."

"I-"

"Is it really too much to risk seeing me that you'd risk your case by putting it in their hands instead of mine?"

"Yes." John shook his head. "I didn't want-"

"Want what?" Anna did not wait for a response, "Didn't want to risk me bursting into uncontrollable tears or something?"

"I didn't want to risk me bursting into uncontrollable tears."

Anna paused, her mouth gaping like a fish before she snapped her jaw. "Well, I think we need to act professionally."

"I agree."

"People depend on us, John, and I don't want what happened between us to ruin that." Anna stood and held out a stiff arm, extending her hand to him. "If you're willing to look past the people we were then perhaps we can keep working in this department together."

"I'd like that." John stood so quickly his chair rolled to bounce off his back wall. He took her hand and noted the shiver that ran through her and through him. "I'd like that very much."

"Good." Anna held his grip, her hand fitting perfectly in his. They separated after a moment and Anna flexed her fingers before using both hands to smooth down her skirt again, "Then I hope to see your next research request on my desk and no one else's."

"It will be." John stepped around his desk to lead her to the door, opening it for her. "I'm sorry if I've behaved in an unprofessional way and jeopardized your work. I'm-"

"John," Anna stopped in front of him and for a moment he thought she might reach out to touch his face like she used to. Instead Anna retracted her hand, clasping it in her own. "What we went through, what happened between us, was horrible and painful but it's no more than anyone else endures I think."

"I disagree." Anna frowned and John continued, "I broke your heart and that's not something that happens everyday. I can't begin to apologize enough to you about that."

"You did what you had to do and I learned to live with it."

"You shouldn't have had to."

"And who's decision was that?" Anna waited for John to respond but he just hung his head.

Even without seeing her he could imagine her expression. The droop of her smile, the slightly glint in her eyes, and the way her whole face would fall. Not to despair for herself but as pity for him. Always she thought of others instead of herself. He should have been the one to think about her.

"Anyway, that's in the past now and we're who we are now because of what we did then." John tipped his head up as Anna shrugged and continued, "We can't change the past."

"If only."

"I wouldn't give up what I've been through because, if anything, it taught me more about love than anything else ever could." Anna ran a finger over John's clenched fist, so lightly he almost imagined it. "I loved what we had and I hope you find something that makes you as happy as I tried to."

"That's impossible." John sniffed, his own emotions threatening to rise to the surface, "I couldn't find anyone who makes me as happy as you did."

"Past tense," Anna gave a little snort through her nose but it was not one of joy but resignation. "If you're using past tense then you're already getting over me a little."

"Never."

"It wasn't a reprimand John." She nodded but John could see the tears at the edges of her eyes. "It was a compliment. You can try going to sleep tonight, tomorrow, the day after, and all the days that follow and try to forget me. Then, one day, you'll wake up and have dreamed of a better woman."

"That's impossible because there aren't any."

"I said something like that to you once."

"I know. But I'm being honest, there's never going to be another woman like you."

"Somewhere there is." Anna smiled at John, "I'll see you, Mr. Bates."

John did not respond, just watched her walk back through the offices toward the lift. Someone tapped him on the shoulder and John groaned when he turned to see Eve standing there. She huffed.

"That's gratitude."

"That was painful." John went back into his office and Eve followed, closing the door. John pointed at the door, imagining he could hear the lift open and the clack of Anna's heels entering before it dinged closed. "It tore me to shreds to talk to her."

"That's the point." Eve sat on the arm of the couch against the window that looked out on her desk in front of John's office. "You're supposed to feel pain because it means you had joy there once."

"I don't want this."

"And you didn't want to remember why you're not the horrible person your father told you were but look at the progress we made with that."

"Progress? Is that what you think this is?"

"What would you call it?"

"Punishment." John scoffed, "You're not an angel. You're the Reaper here to make sure I suffer for my sins."

"Technically that's within my purview." Eve crossed her legs, folding her arms over her chest. "Some of us will be the ones to release the winds on the world and bring abut the end of days. We don't just spend all of our time proclaiming divine births you know."

"What, between dragging out the pain of past mistakes for other people, did you tell the shepherds that Christ was born and invite them to the blessed event?"

"First, no, because I wasn't the herald. I was in the choir because I have a beautiful second soprano voice and I happen to like singing hosannas to the Most High God. Second," Eve held up a second finger, "Speak flippantly about the birth of Christ again and I'll show you my flaming sword. It's built to tear men asunder."

"Plan on using it?"

"I wasn't supposed to until the last days but maybe you might drive me to pull it out for some polishing."

John threw his arms up in the air, "I don't even know why I bother getting a straight answer from you. You're not here to help me."

"You're new filing system and organized office beg to differ."

"That's not what I meant." John squeezed his fingers together, using them to tap his chest. "You're destroying me inside."

"I think you've confused senseless destruction with planned demolition."

"They're the same."

"No, they're not." Eve stood, walking to the window. She threw open the shades and pointed, "What do you see?"

"Are you really going to ask me what I see in my own city?"

"Yes." Eve pointed again, "What's there? Tell me."

John groaned and walked to the window. He shrugged his shoulders, pointing at the city below. "A capital in flux."

"What about the skyline?"

John narrowed his eyes, "Buildings being built, smoke, smog, possibly another three day fog to kill thousands more. Millions of people going about their business and their days like theirs aren't about to end in a minute."

"You would see that." Eve tapped on the glass, drawing John's attention to one section in particular. "There used to be a building there right?"

"Yeah. A tenement. They tore it down six months ago."

"Right and what's there now?"

John squinted, "A new building?"

"Actually it's council housing. Made to fit three times as many people in apartments with running water, hot water heaters, central heating, and clean rooms. New flats for the formerly cramped and disease prone residents of the East End." Eve leaned back against the window, turning slightly to look at John as she crossed her arms over her chest. "That kind of building wouldn't be possible if they simply tried to gut the interior of the old building to 'save its bones' as it were. They had to break it all down to really get to the problem."

"What problems?" John kept his focus on the building, trying to swallow past the block in his throat.

"Foundational. Had they just torn out the insides and tried to build on it then the foundation would've cracked further. Given five years of trampling on stairs and running children and the occasional married couple creaking their beds in a little nighttime wrestling, the whole building would've broken down. Hundreds would've been injured and killed."

John turned to Eve, "How'd you know that?"

"Because I'm smart. Also because I have the capacity to see how time might've worked out." She shrugged, "With every decision there is a plethora of possible outcomes and I can see all of them. That's how I can steer you, hopefully, toward a better road."

"You see the future?"

"No," Eve shook her head, "Only the Father knows the end from the beginning. I just see a part of it."

"But you just said-"

"I said I can see the results of decisions, not that I could see the decisions you make." John frowned and Eve held up her hands about shoulder width apart. "Say this is your life span."

"Doesn't look long."

Eve glared at him, "It's an analogy dingbat, work with me."

"Fine." John fluttered his hand at hers, "That's my life span."

"Notice how I can see bits and pieces of things." Eve made a show of placing her hands like she was laying tile over patches of air in the room. "Each part gives me a shard of existence. But in that bits and pieces there are specks of air and dust and particles just floating on the light."

"Okay?" John shook his head, still confused.

"Those tiny details are invisible to your naked eye."

"Not yours?"

"Of course not, I've ascended to a higher plane of existence so it all makes more sense to me. I see more than you because my perspective has expanded."

"But you still don't see all of it."

"No because I'm still not perfected." Eve dropped her hand, "I can see where all the decisions lead, follow them to their logical- and sometimes not so logical- conclusions but He sees it all. I'm only granted a tiny piece of the vision to help you gain a better view."

"So tearing out my heart by forcing me to interact with Anna is part of your better view, is it?"

"I didn't force you," Eve held up a finger, "I allowed you an opportunity to heal the rift in your own heart."

"It feels worse now."

"It's supposed to." Eve pointed back to the window, "If that old building had more than the metaphoric soul to it, don't you think it screamed in agony as its walls came tumbling down?"

John did not answer so Eve continued. "It wept for the pain it endured but when they erected a more secure, steady, beautiful building in its place it wept with joy."

"And you want me to weep with joy?"

"I want you to just weep." Eve tapped her finger on John's chest, "You've been burying your emotions for too long that once they rip from you it'll feel like the worst thing you could possibly imagine."

"It already does."

"That's the point."

"I don't want this."

"But you need it." Eve seized John's hand, "Let's take a little trip shall we?"

"I've a meeting."

"This won't take any time at all." Eve tapped her middle finger against John's forehead and the scene around them dissolved.

In a moment John stumbled back, seeing himself enter his office for the first time. He looked over at Eve, waving at him from the side, and turned back to the younger version of himself. Younger John dusted off the desk, set his briefcase there, and smiled as he surveyed the small office.

A knock at the door startled both Johns and as Younger John went to the door John stepped forward. Younger John walked right through him and John grabbed at his chest, breathing hard. Eve snapped her fingers to call his attention to her.

"You're not really here. Well you are," Eve pointed to the Younger John wrapping his hand over the knob, "But the you of now isn't."

"Then what is this?"

"Little trip down memory lane." Eve smiled and waved John to her side. "A reminder of what a heart full of joy looks like. We're attempting a jumpstart."

Younger John stepped to the side and Anna entered the office. She stuck her hand out, "I'm Anna Smith, head of research."

"John Bates, newest CP."

"We're lucky to have you Mr. Bates." Anna took her hand back, massaging over it, "I think we've been too long without someone of your record."

"You've read my record Ms. Smith?"

"It's my job. I'm in research." Anna smiled at him, shifting her weight a moment. "As it stands, I was wondering if I might treat you to lunch."

"Really? And why would you be so kind?"

"It'll help you get a feel for the places around here since you'll be spending quite a bit of time ordering take away from the restaurants in a two block radius."

"And you want to help me weed out the bad ones?"

"It's the least I can do." Anna nodded toward the door, "If you care to join me that is. Your secretary, Mrs. Harding, and I usually go for lunch around one if you're interested in tagging along."

"I don't know if that's something Mrs. Harding wants me to do."

"I think we could all stand to get to know one another a little better. Helps ease the working environment." Anna waited, "So, do you want to come Mr. Bates?"

Younger John took a moment to debate it and nodded, "I'd be honored to join you, Ms. Smith."

Eve and John watched Anna leave the office, Younger John's mouth twitching up toward a grin as he set about arranging his office. John turned back to Eve when he heard her sigh, "You had such hope then."

"I was a fool then." John gave a bitter chuckle, pointing at his younger self. "Look at that idiot, thinking he's got it all in the bag."

"In fairness to the younger you, he thought he did." Eve stood at John's shoulder, putting a hand there. "He thought the whole divorce was done and dusted."

"It's like I didn't know Vera at all." John shook his head, "I should've seen it coming."

"No one did." Eve squeezed his shoulder and the scene changed again.

John saw them standing in a small courtroom. Younger John had his head buried in his hands while a woman at the table to the side smiled in victorious satisfaction. Eve took a seat in the gallery, listening to the judge read words John heard recounted often in his nightmares. He slumped in the seat, his shoulders drooping with despair.

"It is therefore the decision of this court that, due to unethical actions on behalf of Mr. John Bates in the case against his wife, Ms. Vera Bates, the decree nisi is hereby rejected. Should Mr. John Bates seek another motion with the court in his divorce proceedings he can do so by the start of the New Year." The judge banged his gavel against the podium, "Court dismissed."

"She's a piece of work." Eve sighed, leaning over the gallery to point at the woman with fierce blue eyes, dark hair, and a face bearing the nobility of a queen and all the conniving calculation of a viper. "How much you want to bet she got jilted real hard in a former life, left for another woman and all that, and simply wants to take out her residual revenge on you?"

"I thought you didn't believe in reincarnation?"

"I don't, it's just a fun thought." Eve wagged her finger at Vera Bates, practically sauntering out of the courtroom. "Imagine if she was once Catherine of Aragon or something, then her need to sink her claws in you would make more sense. She lost Henry the Eighth to a younger woman so maybe she saw Anna as Anne Boleyn reborn or something."

John kicked the paneling of the gallery box, "I don't care if she was Catherine the sodding Great of bloody Russia. All I care is that she couldn't, for once in her whole life, do something for someone but herself. She saw I might be happy, for even a second, and tore it from me."

"People do a lot of things out of fear I think." Eve settled back in the seat, looking up at John's frantic pacing. "You left Anna out of fear."

John spun on his heel, growling as he stuck a finger in Eve's face, "Don't you dare compare me to Vera. I left Anna to spare her."

"And did it?"

"Did it what?"

"Did it spare her?" John didn't answer and Eve gestured around them, "We can see if it did or not. Do you want to?"

John slumped back to a seat, shaking his head. "I've already seen her cry enough."

"And you'll see her cry more I'm sure." Eve snapped her fingers and John wobbled a moment as they suddenly stood outside a door. "But not this night. She was extraordinarily happy this night."

John shook his head, "No. I don't want to see this."

Younger John raised a fist, rapping his knuckles on the door. Anna opened it and Younger John immediately started crying. Anna pulled him to her, holding him close as he sobbed on her shoulder. John noticed the glint on Anna's finger and scrunched his eyes closed.

"I don't want to see this."

"It's a part of your past John. You've got to see it."

John shook his head, "No. Go to the next one."

"This is a critical night." Eve pointed at the flat, "This is the night you and Anna finally-"

"I know what night it is." John hissed, watching Younger John out of the corner of his eye accept Anna's invitation into her flat.

"Then why leave it?"

John scowled, noting the look on Eve's face was not one of inquisition but interrogation. He gritted his teeth, forcing his words through them. "Because I relive this night in all of my best dreams and in my worst nightmares."

"Why's that, exactly?"

"Don't you already know?"

"Sure, but I still need to hear you say it." Eve pointed to the hallway, "Admit it to yourself, finally, why you hate to think about this night."

"This was the happiest moment of my life and it fell to pieces just days later." John gestured weakly toward the door, his voice choking as he started crying. "This was the night Anna told me it was alright. That she'd wait for me to be with her. That we'd get through it. The night she told me she wanted me to love her, to make her mine and I- I-"

"You left her." Eve finished, walking to stand in front of the door. "You got up the next morning and walked away."

John nodded, "I don't want to watch like a voyeur, knowing how I betrayed her in the morning. I can't watch myself do it again. Please go to the next one."

"It's not much better." Eve walked toward John and then past him.

As she did John noted they were now standing in the alley behind the CPS building. Anna had her coat wrapped tightly about her and John detected a shiver running through Younger John. He shuddered himself, almost in compassion and remembrance of this moment.

"Why'd you leave John?" Anna's voice was barely a whisper, cut off by the moaning of the chill wind. The fingers of her right hand played with the ring on her left hand. "Did you regret it?"

"Never," Younger John reached for her hand but drew back. "I realized I hadn't been fair to you. That I'd pressed an advantage and I couldn't endure what I'd done to you."

"But I wanted it."

"You deserved better Anna. You deserved a man ready to sweep you off your feet."

"But you already did."

"I've got a chain wrapped around me Anna. I'm not free to love you or to be with you or to marry you like I wanted." Younger John held his head, "I regret offering you that happiness only to snatch it away and I'm sorry that I was selfish enough to even think I could have it."

"Then I'm selfish too because I won't let you go." Anna's voice cracked, the tears spilling onto her cheeks. "I don't care what the law says. I just want to be with you. Even if that means living in sin or whatever it takes so you're still in my life."

"I couldn't do that to you."

"I want it."

"You do now but what about in six months or six years when you're living a shadow of a life with someone?" Younger John shook his head, "It's better that we end it here."

Anna shrank back, "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying-" Younger John cleared his throat. "I'm saying we need to call off our engagement."

"I don't want to." Anna held her hand with the ring close to her body. "I don't accept that it's over because it isn't for me."

"You need to forget about me, Anna. Go home, go to sleep, and dream of a better man. A man more worthy of you. Forget about me and think of him."

"I couldn't, not ever." Anna shook her head violently back and forth. "I can't think of another man because there aren't any."

"There are plenty of men better than me." Younger John urged and turned to walk away from Anna. "You deserve one of them."

"I deserve you." Anna pulled at his coat, forcing him to stand in place while she pressed a hard kiss on him.

John hung his head when he saw how Younger John did not return it. Anna broke the kiss, shaking her head, "Do you not love me?"

Younger John took a moment to respond, "It's because I love you."

"Don't lie to me like that." Anna wiped at the tears from her eyes, "Why would you do this to me? To us?"

"Because there is no us, Anna." She was dumbfounded but Younger John forced his move. "I can't make you happy and I was a fool to think I could."

This time, when Younger John walked away, Anna did not try and stop him.

John sank to the ground and found himself in his office again. Eve crouched next to him, rubbing a hand over his shoulders as John broke down into tears. He pulled his hands to his eyes, sobbing into them as his heart shattered all over again. The sounds of his soul bursting in a million pieces echoed over the room and thundered in his ears. That howl, so familiar to the broken hearted, vibrated through the core of him.

Eve helped lift John onto the couch. He continued crying, only half-aware of Eve handing him tissues and kneeling in front of him. When he tried to breathe normally he noted how she rubbed at his arm.

Sniffing, John cracked through his words, "Why? Why show me my greatest failure? Why do this to me?"

"Because the part of this you need to realize is that moment wasn't the end. Not by a long shot."

"I broke her heart."

"And that's the power we give those we love." Eve caressed his folded hands while John tried to overcome the stutter in his breathing. "When I was in love he had the power to tear out my heart and feed it to the dog if he wanted. We could fight until the cows came home and still go fifteen more rounds with no decision."

"And that's love?"

"That's trust. And vulnerability and affection and humanity." Eve smiled, "All of that is love."

"I destroyed her."

"You destroyed yourself." Eve sighed, "This is not all you are John. You're harrowing yourself up in past sins because you think that makes you stronger and you're wrong."

"Am I?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"Driving yourself to guilt without change is the suffering of the damned, John. Guilt with remorse and repentance is true relief." Eve held his hands in hers, "You're so consumed by what you've done, convinced that no one would ever forgive you because you can't forgive yourself, that you wallow in your self-loathing. You bury yourself in work, you sleep at your desk, you barely eat, and you move like a zombie through your days."

"What's a zombie?"

"You're missing the point." Eve took a breath, "You're so determined to hate yourself that you're missing your chance to really change John."

"I don't know how."

Eve smiled at him, her face brightening considerably, "That's why I'm here. The change starts now."


	4. Shepherds

John swallowed, looking up at the building and then at Eve. "This is where she lives?"

"Yep. Daisy Mason, floor forty-seven." Eve wrapped her coat tighter about herself, "I hate being cold."

"Can't you do something about that?"

"I'm an angel, not master of the elements." Eve pressed the button, "Ready?"

"No."

"Perfect."

John turned to her, "How is that perfect?"

"If you were ready you might not speak from the heart and that's what we need. Ah," Eve pulled the door open, "After you."

John entered the building and waited for Eve to join him before going to the lifts. It shuddered and squeaked a little in the tract, Leaving John to stare worriedly up at the ceiling. Eve sniggered beside him.

"It's not going to break John."

"It's rattling something awful."

"That's the sixties for you. Everything about to fall to pieces. It's all this post war rationing mixed with innovation and a race against America to be the best." Eve rapped her knuckles against the wall and then cringed when something groaned. "I really hope you don't die today."

"Just me?"

"Technically I'm already dead. I died…" Eve counted on her fingers, "Roughly five hundred or so years ago."

"Really?"

"It all depends on the calendar you're referencing as to how we want to divvy out dates but sure."

"In Trinidad?"

"I don't remember actually." Eve waved her hand dismissively, "They've all changed names since then."

The lift ground to a halt and Eve stepped out, "Guess death's not on the menu for today."

"Guess not." John straightened his coat and removed his hat. "Forty seven you said?"

"Yes," Eve pointed just up the hall, "The one at the end of the corridor on the left. Right before the stairs."

"Right." John froze in the hallway, "So I just go and knock on the door?"

"Usually." Eve waited, sucking the inside of her cheek, "So are you going to knock on the door?"

"Yes." John raised his hand, curling his fingers to knock on the door, and then drew his hand back. "I don't know if I can do it."

"Knock on the door?"

"Yes. I don't think I can do it."

"It's pretty simple. You curl up your hand and use your knuckles." Eve stepped forward, "I can do that for you if you need a demo."

"No," John drew her hand back, "It's not a problem with knocking. I've got a handle on that particular technique thank you."

"I'd say 'you're welcome' but you don't sound grateful." Eve took her hand back. "If we're splitting hairs here, you sound less than grateful."

"Are you judging my tone?"

"It's hard when I can hear it."

"Then I'll make it so you can't here."

"Still there."

John huffed, "Just, leave me to this issue, please."

"Sure, if I thought you could knock on a door."

"I can knock a door."

"So knock."

John paused and shook his head, "I can't."

"You just said you know how to knock a door." Eve gestured toward the door. "If that's not it then what's the problem?"

"It's- It's-" John threw his hands in the air. "You didn't see her after the trial. When that smug bastard walked out with nothing holding him responsible for what he did and her husband's memory forever in tatters. She was left with bloody nothing all because of a technicality in the case I didn't see coming."

"Then that's not your fault."

"I should've seen it. I should've prepared for it so I could get her the settlement she deserved. So I could get William the justice he deserved."

"Then tell her that."

"I can't." John went to walk back to the lift but Eve grabbed his shoulder.

"You keep walking and you'll regret it."

"Will I?"

"You already beat yourself up for failing William. Do you want to destroy yourself for never making peace with his widow."

"No but that's none of your concern."

"All evidence to the contrary." John tried to wrest himself from her grip but Eve held onto his coat. "No, stay."

"I'm not your pet or your child."

"I know. I've had better behaved version of both of those."

John scoffed, "I don't need to stand here and take your derision. I'm not going to listen to you."

"Then listen to you." Eve slapped the palm of her hand against his forehead. John staggered and Eve jerked him to a seat. He craned his neck to look around until Eve grabbed his head and forced it forward. "Eyes front soldier. I thought you knew how to be polite."

John stared forward and almost jumped out of his chair at the sight of his younger self, pleading with the jury. "Don't make me watch this."

"I skipped all the preliminary hearings and the intervening parts of the case so we're watching this."

"But I've lived it. I know what happens."

"So do I and you don't hear me complaining about the rerun."

John shook his head past the comment he didn't understand, "I know what happens. I saw it all."

"Then you weren't watching closely enough the first time." Eve pointed to the gallery. "Anna was here watching."

"I know." John risked a look back and saw Anna sitting with Gwen as Gwen feverishly scribbled notes. "She came to every part of the trial."

"And that was even after you broke her heart. Strong woman that." Eve crossed one leg over the other. "I think the part I loved about this trial was the moment the fear of God showed itself in Mr. Barrow's eyes."

"Didn't win me the case."

"But he admitted to something that definitely wouldn't have spelled good things for him later. Oh," Eve clapped her hands, "This part."

Younger John stood up as his table, black robes and white wig standing out in the sea of gray suits and boring ties. "In your words then, Mr. Barrow, you say that Mr. Mason placed himself on that walkway with full knowledge of its instability. That's what you're saying?"

"No."

"Then you didn't say that?"

"You're twisting my words, what I said was-"

"We can ask for the typist here to read out what you said." Younger John pointed over to the woman taking rigorous notes. "Would you like her to read it out for the jury again?"

"That's not necessary. I know what I said."

"All evidence to the contrary."

Barrow bristled, "Mr. Mason walked up there to do his job."

"Which you told him to do, yes?"

"Yes."

"After numerous reports of the potential danger of the area given you'd canceled the safety inspections three times?"

"I told him to go up there but I didn't cancel any inspections."

"Really?" Younger John reached down on the table and held up the stack of papers, "Then these aren't covered with your signature?"

"No, that's my signature but-"

"And you ignored Mr. Mason's advice that day to repair the area before you sent him up there?"

"Mr. Mason was always-"

"Always what, Mr. Barrow?" Younger John spread his hands, "Punctual, respectful, eager, good natured… tell me what he was Mr. Barrow. I'm sure we're all curious what kind of man ignored his own safety to do a job you forced on him though it was part of your responsibilities."

"Objection," A woman at the other table stood up, "Your Honor he's harassing my client."

"Sustained Ms. O'Brien." The judge leaned over the bench, "Please keep your questions free of hostility Mr. Bates."

"Nothing further, Your Honor." Younger John retook his seat and Eve shivered.

"Oh, gets me every time. See the way the sweat's trickling down Barrow's neck." She laughed, "Man deserved a lot more than he got."

"He didn't get anything."

"Because you focused on the wrong enemy." Eve pointed to Barrow. "He's a cog in the machine. A particularly nasty cog but a cog. He's the symptom, not the disease. All you did was go after the wrong thing. No shame in that."

"I let William down."

"How? By fighting for him?" Eve snorted, "Even the great John Bates can't win everything."

"I should've won this. It was in the bag."

"You didn't know the judge had ties to the company and would rule on a tiny technicality in the evidence gathering."

"It should've come up in my investigation." John ground his teeth, "I should've found it."

"Funny how you don't blame research for cocking it up."

"Excuse you?"

"History of all involved parties is the responsibility of research." Eve pointed over her shoulder, "Anna's department."

"You leave her out of this."

"Why? Because you want to wallow and blame yourself?" Eve waited but John had no answer. "That's your problem John. You have a never ending supply of mercy for everyone but yourself."

"I don't deserve it."

"That's arrogance and pride in its worst form." Eve turned her body to look at him, "To think you're so special that you don't deserve something given freely to all."

"To all?"

"I don't recall caveats in Christ's declaration about for whom He gave His life. In fact, I'm pretty sure the Bible states He did it for all people."

"I'm not religious."

"Does that make you not 'all people'?"

John sighed, "I'm not worthy of it."

"Why? Because of you think you failed?"

"Because I don't deserve it."

"That's pride talking, wingnut." Eve pointed at Younger John, "That man gave his all to this case and it didn't work out. That's life."

"William deserved better."

"You deserve better."

"Not if I can't get justice for those who deserve it."

"Or serve it on those who do too?" Eve pursed her lips, "Avenging angel now are we?"

"I haven't done anything like that."

"Haven't you? Nothing like you trying to kill Thomas Barrow?" John started and noted they now stood in a dark alley. Eve pointed to Younger John, skulking at the edge of it across the street from a dark building. "You could've called the coppers on him, for being a poofter and all, but you didn't. Instead you stalked him, waiting for the right moment to pull that revolver from your pocket and leave him bleeding on the pavement."

"I wanted to." John walked toward his younger self, watching Younger John cock the gun and shrink back a moment as Barrow passed. "I wanted to so badly my hands shook."

He watched Younger John step into the street lit only by flicking lamps, hold the gun out, and then never fire. Younger John had a visible tremor in his arm as he held the gun to fire but Barrow and the young man with him passed from view. He dropped the gun and beat his fists bloody against the wall.

John hung his head and felt Eve's hand on his shoulder. "I couldn't do it. As much as I wanted to kill that man for what he did to William I couldn't make myself do it. I was weak."

"You were stopped." Eve waved her hand in front of John's eyes and he watched the situation play out again but this time he could see Eve. She stood in front of the gun, her fingers covering John's and holding him back. The tremor in this arm fought with her until she lowered his arm and stepped aside.

John rounded on her, "You stopped me?"

"A 'thank you' would be nice but I'll take a better attitude."

"Why should I thank you?"

"Because you're not in prison, how about that?" Eve ran a hand through her hair. "You think you deserve punishment, deserve to be treated poorly, deserve the world's hatred when in reality you deserve more than that."

"Like what?"

"Must we always repeat this conversation?" Eve sighed, "How about mercy? Christ died to give it to you and each time you reject it you spit in His face."

"I told you, I'm-"

"'Not religious', I know and I think it's bunk." Eve pointed at the sobbing Younger John, "That kind of guilt and regret is not born of atheism but of deep belief. It's born of something inside you telling you that maybe, just maybe, you screwed up but that you want something better. That you want forgiveness for your low moments like anyone else does."

"What if it's just you?"

"I can't manufacture emotion John."

"Can't you?"

"It's a violation of agency and I don't do that."

"You stopped the gun."

"I gave you a minute to think and you stopped yourself."

John snarled slightly at her, "I could've killed him."

"Be glad you didn't." Eve crossed her arms, "Do you know why Christ was born?"

"To save the world."

"True, but would you believe it if I said He would've done it just for you?"

"I'm not worth that."

"You are. Everyone is." Eve snapped her fingers and John saw them back in the hallway. "Everyone is worth the forgiveness they get if they just face up to their fears. Like you facing your fear of confronting Daisy Mason."

"I'm not afraid."

"Yes you are." Eve pointed at the door. "Now knock it."

John raised his hand to do it and stepped back, shaking his head, "You're out of your bloody mind and I don't know why I agreed to this. I don't deserve her forgiveness or any of this. Not you or your bloody memory games or anything to do with this whole sodding circus."

"Language." Eve warned and snuck her fist forward to knock at the door. "Oops. Hand slipped."

"You-"

"Mr. Bates?" John stopped as a small woman with brown hair opened the door. She paused, "I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"I- I know. It was kind of a spur of the moment decision. We were in the area and…" John pointed his hand at Eve. "This is my secretary, Eve."

"Hello." Eve waved, "Wonderful to meet you Mrs. Mason."

"I guess." She tapped her fingers on the door before stepping back, "Would you like to come in?"

"Yes, we would." Eve pushed John forward and they entered the flat.

Mrs. Mason gestured to the small couch and Eve sat on the edge with John closest to Mrs. Mason. John cleared his throat, "I'm sorry to drop in on you like this. We just had some things we needed to talk with you about. If you have time, that is."

"Is there something new you needed to discuss about William's case?"

"Not exactly." John wiped his hands on his trousers. "I'm here to apologize."

"Apologize?" Mrs. Mason shifted in her seat, "For what, Mr. Bates?"

"For failing William, and you, in the case." John snuck a look at Eve, who nodded at him. "I wanted to win that case, to get justice for William, and I'm sorry that I failed him."

Mrs. Mason nodded and tried to speak. "I think you did the best you could Mr. Bates. I saw how hard you worked."

"I felt like I could do more."

"Mr. Bates," Mrs. Mason shifted on her chair, "You couldn't do any more than you did."

"But I didn't get justice for William."

"Then you didn't hear?" John shook his head and Mrs. Mason stood up, walking to the counter. She sorted through the papers and then brought a few back to show him. "Because of the case, the company Mr. Barrow operates did a full internal investigation. They fired Mr. Barrow because they found he was engaged in some illegal activity. Something about rigging the contracts and embezzling to steal construction and repair funds. They changed all their internal protocols to make working there safer and offered me compensation for William despite the outcome of the case."

John read through the pages and handed them back to Mrs. Mason. "I don't know what to say."

"I guess sometimes justice doesn't come from where we think but it comes." Mrs. Mason smiled at John, her eyes tearing slightly. "What you did started something and you made life better for a great many more people."

"I-" John choked up a moment, "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"I actually was debating whether to come down to your office and thank you myself but I guess you beat me to it." Mrs. Mason clapped her hands together, "Could I make you some tea?"

"We actually should be going." Eve tapped her hand on John's shoulder. "But maybe next time we're lucky enough to share your wonderful hospitality."

They walked out into the hallway, with Eve hitting the button for the lift. Inside they stood in silence a moment before Eve made a face. She bit back what she was going to say and John groaned. "What?"

"I just wondered if you knew why God sent angels to the shepherds tending their flocks."

"I assume it was an allegory for the fact that Jesus is often referred to as the Good Shepherd and it made a touching addition."

"Not far off I guess. But it's simpler than that." Eve smiled, "It was because even the simple of the earth deserved to know their Savior was born. See, at that time, education as for the select few. The idea of superiority by birth being one of the oldest mistakes of man."

"Do you have a point?"

"Always, I just don't always make it quickly." The lift doors opened and Eve stepped out of them. "William Mason and his wife are some of the simple of the earth. Good, wholesome people just living their lives as best they can. But see, even they can see the miracles in their lives."

"Meaning?"

"If they are entitled to it, what makes you think that you, John Bates, aren't?" Eve shrugged, "Food for thought I guess. I'll see you at the office."


	5. Wise Men

John stared at the paper and realized he had reread the same line six times. Eve snapped her fingers and he looked up, flustered as she took the seat opposite his desk and handed over a file with her notes on it.

"Distracted, are we?"

"If I am?"

"You'll look like a wanker in that meeting you've got in half an hour."

"I won't look like a wanker." John shifted in his seat, scanning the paper quickly. "I've got it all down."

"Says the man who read the same sentence ten times."

"Six."

"Don't get snippy."

"Don't act like my mother."

"Why not? She's a nice lady."

"How'd you know that?"

"I've met her." John frowned at her, holding the file between them as Eve went back to the stack on her lap, thumbing through them like she was looking for something particular.

Eventually she looked up and sat back at the look on his face. "Yes?"

"Why are you helping me?"

Eve groaned, "Are we really going to have this conversation again? The one about how people are praying for you and I'm your Guardian Angel-"

"No, not that help." John waved her down, "I meant here, in the office."

"Where else would I be?"

"This isn't your job."

"It is as long as I'm helping your get your life back together. Any way I can help you I'm honor bound to." Eve pulled three more files free, "These all need your signature before the junior Silks get them."

"Right." John signed them after a scan and handed them back, "Are you sure this is the best use of your time?"

"How'd you mean?"

"Running this office? Aren't you supposed to be arranging not-so-subtle interactions between me and the people I've wronged or who I think wronged me so I can see the light and all that?"

Eve made a face, like she had never thought of it before, "There's an idea."

"Really?"

"No," Eve shook her head, "I don't need to do any of that because I already did it. I didn't come in here, guns blazing, without a plan."

"You didn't?"

"Have some faith in my abilities Mr. Bates." Eve straightened her blouse, "I'm not an amateur at this."

"When were you an amateur?"

Eve blew out, "Years. I once almost got this gig with a couple that needed to get together at the turn of the century but that went to a close-ish friend of mine. Mostly because I wasn't either of their Guardian Angels but still… I wanted that pair so bad. But the woman who got it was good. She actually taught me everything I know about romance."

"She did?"

"She is the goddess of love. Little 'g' though, that's important."

"Why?"

"Because she doesn't have as much power as you'd think." Eve took the files back, "Just enough to get people to find love."

"Sounds tiring."

"It's thrilling." Eve looked around, "And I do have something I think needs to be resolved this evening."

"You do?"

"Technically speaking, you do."

"Oh?" John sat back, spreading his hands. "Please, enlighten me because you didn't put anything in my diary about it and since you thought it necessary to specify times for lunch and dinner I'd say you're pretty thorough."

"I am and that's why I didn't." Eve took a moment to arrange the files before looking back at him, "It's about Thomas Barrow."

"What about him? I do hope it's rather nasty and I'll be prosecuting that poofter."

"One, that's not nice even if it's true, and two, it's not nasty since this is about you mending your broken soul."

"Is it?"

"Are we not on the same page about that?"

"I'd have thought anything to do with Thomas Barrow was better left forgotten."

"Why'd you think that?"

"God forgot to dispense justice on him so I thought since I had to forget about it too then he was worth forgetting."

Eve sighed, "You're a piece of work."

"Am I?"

"Yes because, contrary to your self-flagellating belief, people get their justice in the end Mr. Bates."

"Do they?"

"Yes, they do." Eve set the files on the edge of John's desk to lean back in her chair. "Maybe not always in the short lifetimes we endure while embracing the mortal coil but it all works out in the end. Specifically the life to come."

"There's no life to come."

Eve pointed to herself, "I'm living, breathing, proof that's not true."

"I'm not sure you're alive and I've never actually seen you breathe."

"Fine, corporeal, solid proof that there's a life after this."

John shook his head, "Still not convincing."

"Why not?"

"Why would someone like me want to believe in that?"

"Someone like you?"

"Yes." John nodded emphatically, "After all I've done, remorse and repentant as I could ever possibly be, a person like me doesn't get a spot there. I could never earn the privilege of seeing it."

Eve stared at him, shaking her head slowly, "I'm astounded by you."

"Why?"

"Because of all the times you have to move your tired jaw around the load of bullshit you keep in your mouth. I'd get exhausted hauling all that everywhere just to spew at the moments of greatest hope."

"Bullshit?"

"Yes, most of what you say about yourself is."

"Or it's truth."

"It's your truth and it's wrong." Eve stood, taking the files, "Whether you like it or not, you're coming with me this evening."

"Won't people just think I'm dating my secretary then?"

"I doubt it. Where I'm taking you, those kind of questions don't get asked." Eve headed to the door and dodged out of the way as it opened to admit Anna. "Good morning Ms. Smith. I didn't have you on the calendar so I assume I missed a memo."

"No, nothing like that." Anna motioned, smiling at Eve, "I actually needed a word with Mr. Bates."

"I was just on my way out and he hasn't got anything for the next half hour. He's all yours." Eve grabbed the door handle and winked at the flailing John whilst Anna was mid-turn between the two of them.

John gathered himself as Anna took the seat Eve just vacated and folded his hands, "What can I do for you?"

"It's about a rumor I've been hearing." John noted how Anna's hands wrung at one another, as if looking for purchase. "They say Mr. Green is getting his parole hearing early."

"It's just a rumor Anna. They'd tell me if he had."

"And would you tell me?"

John almost broke at the doubt in her eyes. The doubt he planted there, however unintentionally. He nodded, "I wouldn't keep that from you. You'd deserve to know. Just as I'd tell any of the other women."

"Good." Anna gathered her breath, still nodding as if hoping the physical action could stabilize any roiling emotions. "Good."

"Anna," John came around the desk and took the seat opposite her. He debated putting a hand on her knee, but that felt too personal. Her hands were still wringing in her lap but he feared his own reaction if he took her hands. Instead her put a hand to her shoulder, pushing her back just a little so she tilted her head up to look at him. The pieces of his broken heart shattered at the fear and tears in her eyes. "I won't let anything happen to you."

"That's just it John," She sniffed. "You can't protect me."

"Then, if you're worried, stay in my spare room."

"I'm not staying at your flat John."

"Then I'll sleep on your sofa. Either way I won't let you be alone if you're afraid."

"That's not your call anymore." Anna put her hand over his and for a moment John thought hope might have risen in him but instead she removed his hand, putting it between them like the wall he forced her to erect. "I respect your desire to help, as a friend and as the lawyer who saw over the case, but I can't let you think this is in any way a cry for your absolution."

"Trust me, I don't think that." John flicked his gaze toward the window where Eve efficiently worked through a large pile of paperwork next to her. "That's an entirely different kind of scenario."

"Then John," Anna gripped his hand a moment before releasing, "Just promise you'll keep that man behind bars, where he belongs."

"Nothing would give me more satisfaction than for him to rot in Lancaster prison."

"Not sure he needs to rot there but I wouldn't object to him coming out a bit more broken than he went in." Anna stood, gathering herself, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to embarrass you by coming in here just to cry."

"Fear makes us all cry I think." John stood, offering her his handkerchief. "And you don't embarrass me. I'm actually rather flattered you thought of me at all in this."

"I don't hate you John and I'm not so petty that I won't come to you for help." John cringed at the sting he was sure she did not mean. By the look on Anna's face she had not grasped the full reality of her words until they were out of her mouth. Both her hands flew to cover it while her eyes went wide. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"It wasn't entirely undeserved."

"But still…"

"Anna, it's alright." John fumbled for words a moment, "Could I ask you something that I may need a minute to explain?"

"Sure."

"Would you have lunch with me?" John hurried to explain as Anna's eyebrows shot up. "Not romantic, in any way. I just… I'm having a bit of an issue lately and I need to talk it over with someone I trust."

"You trust me?"

"Always." He sighed, "Not as much as I should've, definitely, but more than you probably think I do."

"I don't know John."

"Before we were romantic we were friends, Anna. If I've burned the bridge to your heart forever then so be it but you said you wanted us to work together again and I'd like it if we could be friends again." John's hands flailed a second, "I could use a friend at the moment, selfish as that request probably is."

"It's not selfish to want a friend, John." Anna stared into the corner a moment before nodding. This time it was with surety and not as a self-calming movement. "I could use a friend too and since you've been more than one to me this morning I'd be honored to return the favor."

"Then you'll let me take you to lunch?"

"I'll go to lunch with you but I insist we pay for ourselves." Anna wagged a finger at him, "We're friends and friends pay for themselves."

"If you insist."

"I do."

John checked his watch, "Are you busy at one?"

"No. I can manage a half hour away. What about that little Indian restaurant, the one that does Bengali."

"Love it." John looked up as Eve knocked on the glass, pointing to her watch. "Unfortunately, I've got a meeting I can't miss again."

"Then I'll meet you there at one."

"I won't be late."

"You will but I'm used to it." Anna shook his hand, "Thank you, again, John. It means a lot to me that I can trust you with this."

"And it means as much to me that I have your trust." John released her hand, "I'll see you at one."

Eve slipped into the office, holding the door for Anna to leave, and caught John's arm on his way out. "You'll be on time."

"If the meeting runs long…"

"It's eleven John, make it last an hour or less and be there on time." Eve grabbed a pad of her own to follow him, "It won't be worth it to convince her you're the same man you were then where you're not."

"Because I'm worse?"

"Because you're better." Eve gestured to the corridor, "After you."

John escaped the meeting in forty-five minutes, Eve occasionally spurring him along with taps to her watch in what seemed like innocent brushes to the casual observer. They ran through his next few agenda items but stopped right in the middle of one as Eve pushed him toward the door. She put his hat on his head, turned him in place to get both arms in his coat and a scarf so tight around his neck John wondered if she wanted him strangled, and held the door closed behind him so he could not change his mind.

With a grunting sigh, John stalked to the restaurant ten minutes early and even spoke with the hostess in time to get a table just as Anna walked in the door. The surprise on her face, painted with her raised eyebrows and open mouth, quickly gave way to an impressed smile as she sat across from John. She stole a look around before addressing John.

"I think they gave us our old table."

"The hostess recognized me and insisted." John unwound the scarf, struggling with the knot he did not expect, and finally freed himself.

"I'm impressed you got here so early."

"My assistant is a bit of a task master."

"She's seems incredibly capable."

"That wasn't the worry I had." John shrugged, "She's a little too efficient, if you know what I mean."

"Making you feel a bit superfluous?"

"A bit." John smiled at the waiter and handed over his menu, "Chingri malai curry with baigun bhajja."

Anna handed over her menu, "The lamb curry with the bhapaa aloo."

"Good choices." The young man stopped, "And the hostess said your patishapta is on the house."

"How thoughtful of her." Anna waved and the woman bowed to them from the hostess station. "I do love the coconut filling they use here."

"I remember." John caught the little shift Anna made in her chair. "I'm sorry, this is a friendly lunch and I'm already cocking it up."

"There's bound to be hiccups when we knew each other so well."

"Yeah…" John stared at the tablecloth, fiddling with the end.

The silence between them almost had John standing up and calling it all off but Anna spoke up first. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

John shook himself and realized, in their environment, how foolish he would probably seem to her. But one look in her eyes, the sincere concern showing there, and he opened his mouth. "This'll sound like an odd question, but do you believe in Guardian Angels?"

"In general or specifically?"

"Either or both."

Anna sat back in her chair, blowing out a rush of air while staring off as if analyzing every memory she ever had to be sure. After a moment she shrugged, "I've never been opposed to the idea. The Bible talks about angels guarding over us and they make some appearances to mankind from time to time. I can't say I've ever seen one or felt the presence of one but maybe it's just a phrase people use to example acts of God they think below Him."

"Would you use it?"

Anna shook her head, "No. I believe God takes an active and vested interest in our lives. It's part of what I believe, that we're worth the effort for Him to care about us."

"Despite how unimportant we are?"

"God doesn't think so." Anna clapped her hands together as the food arrived, "I'm excited for this."

"I'd hope so. I remember you liked this."

"What else do you remember?" Anna's tone was serious and John held her gaze, making sure she knew how serious he was.

"I remember everything."

"So do I." Anna bit into her food, "Just as good as I remember."

They ate for a time before Anna spoke again, "I assume you didn't ask me to lunch just because you wanted to talk about a mythical phenomenon."

"No," John wiped his mouth with a napkin, "It's more than that."

"What?"

"What would you say if I told you I've got a Guardian Angel?"

Anna stopped, her fork almost to her mouth. She placed it back down and narrowed her eyes. "If it were anyone else sitting there I'd think you were trying to play a joke on me but I know that's not your sense of humor."

"It's not."

"Then you're convinced you've seen your Guardian Angel?"

"She's the temporary secretary taking Gwen's place for the month."

Anna sat back in her chair, taking a few deep breaths, "And she told you this?"

"I've had a number of experiences with her that would lead me to believe nothing but that she's telling the truth."

"Experiences?"

"She can," John mimed as best he could with his hands, "Reach into my thoughts and pull out my memories."

"What kind of memories?"

"She had me seeing that time my father left."

"Oh John," Anna reached for his hand, "I'm so sorry."

"It wasn't just that." John gripped Anna's hand back but not like someone looking for a romantic hand but a friend searching for support. "It's been everything I've ever destroyed myself over."

Anna put her other hand over their joined ones, "Us?"

John nodded. "She reminded me of the first time we met after that meeting in my office the other day. The one where you were upset I'd given the research to Ethel."

"John," Anna drew back, waving her hands, "That was me being stupid."

"But it wasn't Anna. You were right. I was letting my feelings get in the way of our work and that wasn't fair to you."

Anna paused, "What else has she showed you?"

"When I lost William Mason's trial, the night I…"

"The night you saw Barrow?" John nodded again and Anna whistled slightly, "What's her goal? Why show you all this?"

"She says she wants to help me realize that I'm not living up to my full potential. That I deserve more in life than I've been giving myself."

"Do you believe her?"

John went immediately to answer but stopped himself when he caught Anna's posture and the tone in her voice. It was her investigative face, the one she used when asking questions of their witnesses and during her interrogations. She leaned forward slightly, putting the pressure all on him.

He swallowed, choosing his words carefully. "Not entirely."

"Meaning 'not at all'?" Anna wagged her finger at him, "Please do not forget how well I know your blocks John Bates."

"Alright, I don't believe her and I think she's wasting her time."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why would she waste her time?" Anna shrugged her shoulders, bringing her hands up, "If she's a Guardian Angel then she's got a sort of divine commission yes?"

"She's said as much."

"Then assume, for a moment, that she thinks you're worth the time. I know that's difficult for you but just play along."

"Fine." John put up his hands in surrender, "She thinks I'm worth the time."

"Then what've you learned?"

"Learned?"

"There's a purpose to what she's doing John. This can't just be angelic calisthenics so I assume you're supposed to be learning something." Anna laughed a little, "If Ebenezer Scrooge could learn it all in one night with three ghosts then you can after a week with a secretary making you relieve your memories."

John grunted and stewed to himself a moment. "Perspective, I guess."

"About what?"

"About how I see myself in the world around me."

"Low, if I know anything about John Bates." Anna started into her food again as John shrugged his response. "Perhaps you're missing the mark here."

"The mark?"

"Yes," Anna dabbed at her lips with a napkin. "Perhaps the purpose is to inspire a change in your perspective. Force you into new glasses."

"I refuse to wear any rose colored ones."

"They don't have to be any color except gray."

"Then what do I do?"

"Stop fighting it and maybe give her a chance. It can't be easy to do what she's doing for you." Anna finished her plate. "I think it's rather an honor."

"Do you?"

"Yes." Anna smiled, "God saw fit, in His infinite mercy, to send your Guardian Angel to you so you could change. Don't you see the blessing in that?"

"Feels a bit more like a punishment."

"You always do see the darker side of the moon don't you?"

"And you only ever see possibilities where I see problems." John shook his head, "Alright, if you're convinced that this is what will help then I'll commit to it."

"Having an Angel of God in your office didn't?"

"Lucifer was an angel once too."

"I think his angels look a little less like a Jamaican princess." Anna gathered her things, "If we don't hurry back we'll be late."

"Yes." John took out his wallet and put a hand up to stop Anna's arguments. "It's a business lunch. Friendly advice deserves me paying for this meal."

"You cheeky monkey." Anna put on her coat. "You planned this from the beginning didn't you?"

"Of course I did." John paused, "Might I be so bold as to ask to walk you back to the office?"

"As long as you know this is professional."

"Completely." John put his own arms through his coat, wrapped the scarf a little more loosely about his neck, and put on his hat.

They walked as quickly as they could in the cold air back toward their offices, parting at the lift for Anna to get off on her floor and John to almost have a heart attack when he met Eve on his.

"You just took ten years off my life."

"Don't be so dramatic." She handed over a folder, "And I'm glad she could get through to you when I couldn't."

"Did you eavesdrop?"

"No, that implies I was somehow skulking around after you like a stalker." Eve took her seat at her desk again, "I don't have to follow you to know exactly what you're saying."

"And other things?"

"If you're talking about activities in the bedroom then yes, in a factual sense." Eve looked sideways at him as John leaned on the top of her tall desk. "Just like you know your parents had to have sex to make you but you don't think about it."

"That simple?"

"I'm an Angelic Messenger, Mr. Bates."

"So?"

"The most divine things are the simplest." Eve gestured toward John's office. "Your two o'clock will be here soon. Better get to it. We've got an evening ahead of us."

"And you won't tell me where we're going?"

"That's ruin the surprise." Eve motioned to the office again, "Scoot."

"Who's the boss here"

"Not you apparently."

John huffed and went into his office.

* * *

As it happened, Eve's stop for the evening was the bar Thomas Barrow owned. John almost got right back in the cab but Eve pushed him out. "No, no, no, you don't get to run away."

"Why not?"

"Because there's a bit of a lesson to this."

"Isn't there always?"

"Again with the ingratitude." Eve pulled the door open and ushered John inside. "You won't even have to talk to him, I swear."

"This man is responsible for the death of William Mason."

"And no matter how true that is," Eve pushed John into a booth, directing his attention toward the bar, "No jury convicted him."

"The bastard doesn't even look ashamed." John thrust his whole hand forward at the cocky grin visible between clouds of smoke coming from the cigarette in Thomas's mouth.

"But you're only seeing the front, John." Eve put a hand over John's eyes and then removed them. "Tell me what you see now?"

John swallowed, heavily, the weight of someone else's emotions crushing him. He could see the night he almost shot Thomas but this time he saw the fear. He saw Thomas's sideways glance, heard his prayer to any god who would listen that he would not die, and the immediate sigh of relief when he lived.

The images altered and he saw the man Thomas walked with that night fighting with Thomas. He watched Thomas sob after him when the man pushed him away, rebuffed his advances, and left. He heard Thomas's weeping, alone in his room, and almost wept with him when the crushing loneliness was his to bear as well.

John blinked, seeing Thomas's bitten down nails, his jittery hands, and rolled his shoulders at the sensation of sweat running down his back while Younger John railed against him in court. His breathing quickened, his heart raced, and his fingers trembled over the material of his trousers trying to remember what his lawyer told him to say. Through Thomas's eyes he could see the jealousy Thomas had for William Mason but also the pang of guilt at his death.

"Not everyone sees the justice we wish they could endure because no one suffers where we can see it." Eve's voice brought John back to the present and his hands gripped the table so hard it indented his hands before he was sure reality was his again.

"What'd you mean?"

"You said earlier that God forgot to give Thomas Barrow justice. Perhaps, in the moment you spent in Mr. Barrow's shoes, you saw a bit of the justice of the world on Mr. Barrow."

"And?"

"And I'd hope you'd feel a little compassion for the man." Eve snorted, "Heaven is filled with those who are forgiven and those who forgive, Mr. Bates. Not the wise, not the gifted, and certainly not the perfect."

"Who then?"

"Those who are humble, who realize they're imperfect, and take a moment to have mercy on those who are also imperfect." Eve smiled, "You know, imperfect people are all God ahs ever had to work with."

"So?"

"I just think it must be terribly frustrating for Him but He deals with it."

"I assume you have more of a point than that."

"I do." Eve put a hand over John's. "Perhaps, in all your personal self-flagellation, you might think to be a little more kind, regarding human frailty in others. Mr. Barrow is no more perfect or imperfect than you. He's an asshole, to be sure, but we're all assholes sometimes."

"Not like him."

"You say that because you don't like him."

"No, I don't."

"Could you imagine that maybe, in your less organize and professional days, you had a bit of cockiness about you?" John shifted in his seat as Eve waited for a response he was not giving her. "Or that someone thought you were the supreme dickhead?"

"Did you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"Every night before bed." Eve snapped her fingers, "I'm not asking you to be Thomas Barrow's best friend. I'm asking you to look past your own irritations at yourself, your own self-hatred for losing the case, and realize that no matter what that jury said, no matter what they thought, he has to live with the truth."

John took another look across the room and for a moment, perhaps as a trick of the light, saw the doubt at the edge of Thomas's eyes: the fear and the guilt weighing on his soul. He thought of Anna, of what she advised that afternoon, and it clicked. With that decision he felt ten times lighter, like the weight lifted from his soul and suddenly he could breathe.

Nodding, John stood. "We should go."

"Why?"

"Because I think I've been holding onto this for too long and it's time I let it go."

Eve smiled, "I couldn't agree more."

They walked out of the bar and Eve shivered. John unwrapped the scarf from his neck and handed it to her. "To keep out the chill."

"Thank you." They walked in silence toward the bus stop a moment before Eve spoke again. "Do you remember the wise men?"

"From the Christmas Story?"

"I'd prefer you treat it like history instead of something you read to a child."

John held up his hands, "I apologize. What about the wise men?"

"So many people think they showed up the same night the shepherds did. Paid their respects to the Baby Jesus with all the sheep in that stable."

"Didn't they?"

"No," Eve shook her head. "In Matthew he says that they went to the house where Jesus lived and bowed before the child, not the baby."

"Translation errors?" Eve frowned and John shrugged, "How should I know? I didn't see it and I wasn't there."

"I was there and I saw it and I'll tell you this right now, they say the boy Jesus, not the baby." Eve stopped, squinting up at the black sky. "They were called wise men because they studied. They dug through years of prophecies to find where Jesus would be born and sacrificed everything to travel across the known world to find Him."

"That's dedication."

"But, for all that, and for the valuable gifs they gave him, what they gave best was to kneel down and worship Him."

"I'm sorry but I'm failing to see the relevance."

Eve flicked her finger against John's forehead, "No matter how much gold or frankincense or myrrh they managed to bring with them, all God wanted was their devotion, their hearts."

"I still don't understand."

Eve pointed back toward the bar, "All God wants of Thomas Barrow or you or anyone is their devotion. He doesn't want us tromping hundreds of miles or spending ludicrous amounts of money on charity. He wants our honest, determined, service."

"And you're saying that Thomas Barrow is giving that?"

"In his own way he gives what he can. It's not all he could give but how often do we really give all we can?"

"Not enough." John conceded.

"So, perhaps in your mood to be a little more forgiving of Mr. Barrow, you might also consider a little gratitude to the God giving the same mercy to you He's giving to him." Eve shrugged and walked away from John, still waiting at the bus stop. "Food for thought, Mr. Bates. Food for thought."


	6. Herod

John sat down, Eve opposite him, and ordered a drink.

"What's this all about?"

"Don't like a little break, Mr. Bates?" John raised an eyebrow and Eve went to explain, "I thought, since you've been so helpful, we might take a night and celebrate."

"Celebrate what?"

"Anything." Eve pointed to him, "Pick a date for something."

"I don't have anything. You pick."

"That's not the point of this game." Eve looked around, "Date you joined the Army."

"October."

"Okay, when you graduated university to practice law."

"April."

Eve sighed, "Don't you have anything for December?"

"Other than Christmas, which I try not to celebrate, no."

Eve groaned, "You're the worst."

"Can't you trade me out for another?"

"It's a lifetime service." Eve brightened, "When you die you might qualify to be a Guardian Angel to someone else."

"Like whom?"

"Your future wife, or any kids you have. Family to family guardianship is common so you could do that."

"Then why didn't you?"

Eve sobered, "I outlived all my family."

John ducked his head, "I'm sorry."

Eve waved him off, "It was a long time ago and I see them all the time now. It was just hard then."

"Then you really do know how I feel?"

"To an extent."

"What extent?"

"The one where I missed the family I lost."

John frowned, "What else is there?"

"The family you could have and aren't pursuing."

"Do you mean Anna?"

"I can't very well mean anyone else." Eve had a pleading look in her eye, "Don't try and tell me you didn't want to hold her hand all through lunch the other day."

"It was yesterday and yes, I did. But we're getting to be friends again. I won't ruin that."

"Then don't but move."

"I'm trying but it's a slow process and-"

"No, move!"

But John didn't move in time. Warm liquid ran over him and John pushed back from his chair in a hurry, covered in dripping alcohol. Shaking out his hands, with Eve grabbing all the napkins she could muster at a moment's notice, John stood still to find the source of the dripping sensation.

It should have been no surprise to him at all that Vera stood before him, looking satisfied with herself and holding an empty stein in her hand.

"Hello Vera." John shook his head, "I thought you liked harder drinks."

"It's cheaper and since someone was paying I thought, 'why not'?"

"Why not indeed." John spluttered, taking a napkin to his face. "Can't be too happy you wasted the drink he bought."

"He'll get over it. Or," Vera leered, "He'll get his leg over it."

"You always did like a cruder turn of phrase."

"Not like you could with the brew in you." She pointed to the table, "But it seems you stayed off the take, like you promised."

"Is that why you decided that I should be drenched in your drink instead of letting you imbibe?" John waved Eve off and Vera snorted.

"Guess it didn't take you long to get over the petite Ms. Smith." She eyed Eve up and down, "Leggy Negro more to your tastes or is she playing a part because she's all you could afford for the night?"

"Eve is my secretary and she deserves respect."

"You never took your last secretary out at night."

"I did, in fact, treat she and her husband to a few dinners to celebrate her work in my office and Mrs. Harding's still my secretary, she's just on holiday." John went to leave the pub but Vera stepped in his way. "What are you doing?"

"Did she leave, like I said she would?"

"Who?"

Vera clicked her tongue against her teeth, "Don't tell me you forgot about little Anna Smith already."

"I could never forget Anna Smith."

"Then she did leave you, once she found out you had a wife… and a record."

"I left her."

Vera shook her head, "You're many things John Bates but you're not a good liar and you never have been."

"Then you'll know I'm not lying."

Vera narrowed her eyes then spluttered a laugh, "You really did leave her. I thought you'd never be able to crawl from the warm embrace of that naïve little trollop."

"She's a woman of exquisite grace and dignity and if you attempt to besmirch her character again, in my presence, I'll not be in control of my actions."

"But you'll take your lickings for them, like you always do." Vera shook her head, "You always were too damned noble for your own good Batesy."

"And you were always living beneath your privileges. But I won't be doing the same anymore. Excuse me." John pushed past her and Eve hurried to followed, carrying their coats as her heels clacked on the wood floor.

Once out in the cold air John shivered, the liquid from Vera's drink seeping through his clothes. It wafted the scent of cheap alcohol to his nose, giving him painful memories, and John immediately wrapped himself in the coat Eve held out to him. She wrinkled her nose at the smell, helping him situate his hat on his head.

"I hope this doesn't ruin your coat."

"It's not the coat that's the problem."

"Is it that you smell like a lush and it's only eight pm?"

John frowned and went to say something but had to look up as the door to the pub opened and Vera marched outside. He sighed, "Didn't you get your fill in there?"

"You think you're better than me because you could walk away or stand strong or some other such nonsense and you always lorded it over me." Vera spit at John but he backed out of her range. "Well know this, you're nothing John Bates. Always were, always will be. You're spineless and the worst part about it all is that you think you're being noble and wonderful but the reality is that you're afraid and you can't face yourself."

John nodded, holding up a hand to stop Eve. He faced Vera, "You're right. I was nothing and I was spineless. I walked away from a woman who loved me more than she ever loved herself because I was afraid. I was afraid she couldn't bear it because I couldn't. I just didn't see then that she was much stronger than me and deserved my trust."

"Anna Smith? She's a willow that whips in the wind."

"She's a towering oak and she's endured far more than you could ever hope to imagine and I'll harbor no more ill words about her." Vera stepped back at the tone of John's voice. "I never thought I was better than you, Vera. I was noble because that's what I thought people were supposed to be. And I couldn't face what I was but I'm not lying to myself about it anymore."

John almost barked a laugh, "I gave you so much power over me Vera. So much so you twisted me to your will until I didn't know what it was to feel love. Anna changed that. She freed me from you and while I was afraid once, and I ran from what I thought I didn't deserve, I won't anymore. I've not letting you keep power over me anymore."

Vera ground her teeth, turning to Eve, "What do you say to that? Think you can pretend to be a petite blonde to suck him off?"

Eve's answer was a quick thrust with her closed fist right to Vera's nose. The woman's head went back and she stumbled slightly. John's jaw dropped, briefly wondered if he'd heard a crack, and then looked over at Eve shaking out her hand. She turned to him, shrugging.

"I thought it would be faster to end the conversation."

"You bitch!" Vera sniffed at the blood coming from her nose. "I think you broke my nose."

"Then go back inside before I break something else." Eve pointed to the door, "I'm sure whatever soused leach you lured into your claws is wondering why you chased after another man and probably sprung the hook but if you hurry you might catch someone else."

Eve went to leave but stopped, turning on her heel. Then, addressing a spot of air just behind Vera, she shook her head. "I'm sorry you have to deal with this."

John gaped, risked a look at Vera's shocked face, and then followed Eve to the bus stop. He struggled for words as he jogged next to her, jutting his thumb behind them. "What was that?"

"A straight right," Eve grimaced, flexing her fingers, "That I haven't done in a long time."

"No, not that… well, partly that but mostly the last part." John gestured behind them as the bus came. People stared, either from his smell or the mixed company, but John ignored them. "When you spoke, at the end, who were you talking to?"

"Her Guardian Angel."

"What?" John took his seat by Eve and she shrugged.

"You didn't think you were the only one to get one did you?"

"No I just…" John stopped himself, blowing out a sigh, "I guess I never really thought about it that much."

"No one really does." They road in silence a moment before Eve looked at John, "Did you mean what you said about Anna back there?"

"Of course I did. I always mean what I say about Anna."

"Then you're going to try and win her back?"

John nodded, "If she'll ever trust me again I will."

"She always trusted you John, that was never in question." Eve settled back, wrapping her arm in John's and hugging him close. "We'll just have to see what we can do about it yeah?"

"Isn't this the part where you've got some moral to your story?"

Eve adjusted to give him a confused expression, "What'd you mean?"

"Tonight." Eve shook her head and shrugged, John wondering if she really was going to continue playing coy. "You planned for me to stand up to Vera. You chose that pub so we'd see her."

Eve shook her head, "I didn't lead us to that pub so you could see Vera."

"Why then?"

"Because I wanted to give you dinner."

John gaped, "What?"

"I didn't have Vera on my agenda for reconciliation."

"Thomas Barrow makes the list but my ex-wife stays off it?"

"She wasn't holding you back anymore." Eve sighed, "But, if you want a moral to the story-"

"Here we go." John groaned and Eve elbowed him.

"You asked for it and I can find anything to turn to my advantage."

"Sounds unfair."

"Sounds like God."

John scrunched his nose. "Isn't it all in His hands, as they say?"

"Sure but that doesn't mean He needs His actual hands in it all the time. Sometimes things happen because we live in a fallen world. Not everything is a direct result of His direct action. However," Eve nodded, "He can use it to His advantage in fulfilling His goal."

"Which is?"

"The immortality and eternal life of man."

"Quite the goal."

"He is God." Eve smiled, "But what I was going to say was about Herod."

"The baby killer?"

"The very same.

"What about him?"

"He killed his own children because they were more popular than he was." Eve's face sobered, her tone somber. "He was greeted by the wise men who begged to know if this king of the Jews, the man supposed to be looking out for the interests of the Jewish people, knew where to find the Lord Jesus Christ."

"And?"

"Well, his scribes found the records saying that the baby would be born in Bethlehem and, with ill intent, petitioned the wise men to return with the baby's exact location."

"I remember this." John closed his eyes, hoping the words from those childhood masses would come back to him. "An angel told them to go another way and Herod slaughtered all the children in the region to be on the safe side."

"Exactly." Eve shook her head, "Terrible what jealous fear drives people to do isn't it."

"Are you comparing Vera to King Herod?" John scoffed, "I know she's a right terror but she's never slaughtered babies as far as I know."

"But, in her jealousy that you were finding happiness, that you were changing your life, that you'd committed to something bigger than yourself and strove to change where she couldn't seem to find the steam to start she lashed out. In her jealous rage she wanted the world to burn with her." Eve raised a shoulder, "Misery loves its company."

"Than what about her Guardian Angel?"

"She's got a time of it."

"She?"

"Vera's grandmother. Possibly the only good thing in Vera's life."

John waited a moment to speak. "She never talked about her grandmother except for one I caught her crying."

"She loved her grandmother and her grandmother was the only person who ever told Vera she loved her." Eve wiped at her eyes with her bruising hand, "She weeps for Vera."

"So do you."

"Because I feel her pain." Eve nudged John with her shoulder, "You used to give me a taste of that pain."

"And now?"

"Now, Mr. Bates," Eve stood as they reached their stop. "We're making great progress."

"Are we?"

"First stop, getting you out of these disgusting clothes. Second, winning back your lady love."

"That's progress?"

"Love was God's greatest gift to the world, Mr. Bates. Me helping you find it as a step in the right direction as far as I'm concerned. Or," Eve winced, "Save it, in this case."

John groaned.


	7. Mary and Joseph

John shivered in the cold morning and then laughed as he saw Eve holding her hand in front of the cars to cross the street in her high heels, scarf flying everywhere. "Don't you have wings or something?"

"What?"

"In the Bible, it says the angles have wings."

"Those are metaphoric of movement and speed in doing God's bidding." Eve handed over the file, "This is what I forgot. You're all ready for court."

"I hope so. This is the last session before the new year."

"I'm well aware, Mr. Bates." Eve straightened his tie, "In you get and make me proud yeah?"

"I'll try."

John hurried into the building and slid a bit on the marble floor with his slick shoes. He barely caught himself on the wall before smacking headfirst into it but the motion had him reeling slightly. Someone supported him from behind so John could find his feet.

"Thanks for that. I really didn't intend-" John stopped when he saw who it was. "Robert, I didn't know you were on the bench today."

"I wasn't but then Sinderby called in ill, though I think he's really just taking his early vacation to the Caymans, and with Hexam in a bit of a jam they thought it best that I proceed today." Robert shrugged, "What can you do?"

"Not much when we're at the Queen's beck and call I guess." John fiddled with the handles on his briefcase. "How's Cora?"

"She's getting back from visiting her mother tomorrow."

"America treat her well this year?"

"As well as it ever does." Robert heard a bell and checked his watch. "Damn, I'm going to be late."

"I'm sorry, it's my fault."

"It's always worth a delay to catch up with an old friend."

"Are we?" John wanted to curse himself but he noted how Robert paused. "Still friends, I mean?"

"I hope so but I think I'd like to talk to you later. Say when we all take lunch? I know a cracking fish and chips spot that's usually deserted. Care to join me?"

"I'd be honored Robert."

"Then see you at my chambers at noon." Robert dashed off as dignified as he could be while dodging young interns and seasoned lawyers in the halls.

John followed, edging toward his courtroom and checking the docket posting. Nodding he entered the room and took a seat in the gallery. It was a small matter, some unpaid parking citations or some such, and John only listened for it as a buzz in his ears while going over the information for the case he had to present against a suspected armed burglary. Reviewing the details of his case kept him so engrossed he hardly noticed the person who took the seat next to him until they tapped him on the shoulder.

Jumping slightly before peeking to see if he disturbed the judge, John faced Anna. She smiled at him, handing over a folder. "I think your secretary is a little distracted this morning."

"What makes you say that?"

"She forgot this on her desk when she ran you the other documents for the case."

John chuckled to himself, "I'm sure she didn't forget it on accident."

"Why'd you say that?"

John paused a moment, jaw threatening to let out the words he so desperately wanted to say, but satisfied himself with a shrug. "Just her style. She doesn't do anything without purpose."

"Because she's your Guardian Angel?" Anna whispered and John nodded. "How's that going? The last time you mentioned something about being doubtful of the whole business."

"I'm still a bit skeptical, I'll be honest, but I've decided that fighting her is too exhausting."

"So you're going along with it?"

"She's opened my eyes to some things I was too blinded to see."

"Such as?" John busied himself with his papers until Anna covered his hands with hers, "I know when you're trying to dodge my questions John and I want an honest answer."

John set the papers back, already in order, and turned slightly on the bench to face her. "To the reality that I made a huge mistake where you're concerned."

"It took her to help you realize that?"

John hurried to rescue his statement from the hurt evident on Anna's face. "It took her to make me realize that I didn't have to wallow in the self-flagellation about it. That I could rectify the mistake."

"How'd you intend to do that?"

"By trying to win your heart again."

"Oh John," Anna groaned slightly but John waved a hand.

"Please hear me out."

"We decided we wanted to be friends John. Do you know how difficult it was for me to even accept that I could be your friend again?"

"Yes, I do, and you've no idea what that means to me. The trust you've placed in me is sacred."

Anna scowled, "Why sacred this time when it wasn't last time?"

"Because I'm a different person now." John covered her hands with his, "Last time I didn't trust myself, I didn't trust that I was good enough for you, and I ran in fear of myself. Fear that I'd ruin it… which was the worst of a self-fulfilling prophecy."

"To be sure." Anna sighed, "But it also means you didn't trust me, John."

"I know."

"You gave me the most happiness I've ever had and then you took it away in the same night." The tears threatening at the edge of Anna's eyes cracked John's heart. "Are you telling me that I should trust that the next time you seduce me you won't be gone in the morning."

"It's the truth but that's not what I'm asking."

"Then what are you asking?"

"I'm asking that you'll give me one date. Dinner at a lovely restaurant or whatever you want."

Anna leaned back slightly, raising an eyebrow, "You're going to give me carte blanche on this?"

"It's the best I can do to prove to you that I trust you. That I'm different."

"It won't fix everything."

"I'd hope not. To fix it all I'd spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

Anna took a deep breath and then nodded curtly. "Tonight you'll meet me at the office. You'll then walk me to that little Italian bistro where they overcharge for the chocolate cake. Whatever happens after that will tell me more about who you are now than you can."

"I hope so."

Anna held up a finger, "No later than six. If you're five minutes late I won't wait John."

"I won't be late."

The gavel brought them back to the moment and Anna stood as the scattered others in the courtroom herded to the door. John stood as well, shaking her hand. "Thank you, Anna. You won't be sorry."

"I should hope not or you'll be sorry and I don't think me coming after you is as bad as it could get." Anna smirked, "Given your secretary is an Angel and all that."

John grinned, "She's been quite the task master in all this."

"I can tell." Anna lowered her voice, "There is something different about you John. I couldn't name it but you are different."

"A good different I hope."

"A very good different."

John watched Anna leave before taking his spot at the table, pulling his wig from his briefcase, and straightening his robe.

"Are you ready Mr. Bates?"

"Yes, Your Honor, I am."

* * *

John waved the reporter away as Robert approached. The other man moaned, "All morning with these divorce proceedings. I don't think I've ever heard anything as foolish as divorce over something like a collection of stuffed animals."

"Some people surprise you."

"And the acrimony. How do people grow to hate one another so much?"

"Sometimes you were blind in the beginning." John murmured and Robert stopped.

"I'm sorry John, that was utterly careless of me."

"It's in the past Robert," John waved him off, "And if you're feeling poorly about it then just buy my fish and chips."

"Extra vinegar and salt I'm guessing."

John smiled, "All the fixings."

They walked to the hole-in-the-wall place and Robert quickly placed their order before they found the table they wanted. John grinned at the sight of Robert digging into this fish and chips, enjoying it like he always did. The moment felt like they stepped back in time but John also noticed Robert's hair thinning a bit, the extra lines on his forehead, and the crinkle at the corner of his mouth that had not been there before.

"Preparing to launch a case against me?"

"What?" John pulled from his daze as Robert laughed.

"You were sizing me up just now like you wanted to set your sights on my jugular."

"Scrutiny can't be helped. You look different."

"As do you." Robert sat back, "You're thinner."

"I haven't eaten as much as I should've."

"I supposed some of that would be down to me?"

John shook his head, "What I did was-"

"Was completely understandable if I hadn't taken so much time to be a complete ass." Robert wiped his hands on a paper napkin. "What I said, I said out of fear. I should've had more faith in you."

"And what I did, I did out of fear as well." John waved a hand, "I think our glass houses are a little delicate for us to toss stones at ourselves, don't you?"

"Quite right." Robert risked a momentary smile before turning serious again. "But what you did for me, for Mary… I can't ever repay that John."

"I'm not asking you to and I wouldn't expect you to."

"Then where does that leave us?"

"You mean after what we said to one another?" Robert nodded and John took a moment. "I say we forgive one another. I made a decision that denied you the agency to toss that ass in prison because I thought my job was to fall on my sword."

"And I immediately suspected the worst of one of my best friends." Robert sighed, "I believe I accused you of abandoning me after we crossed the 'Great Divide' together, didn't I?"

"You did." John laughed a bit and soon Robert joined him.

"I can be quite dramatic can't I?"

"You've got a solid foundation and a good heart Robert, it wasn't anything but you being who you are."

"All the same, if there's anything you need from me it's yours."

John ran his tongue over his teeth inside his mouth before leaning forward, "Do you still own that Italian bistro?"

* * *

John kept his eye on the clock as Eve filed the last of papers. She gave a deep sigh when she tucked them into his briefcase and risked a glance around the empty restaurant. "It's a nice place."

"We had our first date here."

"You were late, of course." Eve turned to see John's face and pointed to herself. "Guardian Angel, remember? I go where you go."

"That can't be too exciting."

"Depends on the day. Like the day you sat your bar exam, ugh!" Eve groaned, "I wanted to stab myself for something to do."

John laughed, shaking his head, "You're as dramatic as Robert."

"I believe you chalked that up to his personality and 'big heart'." Eve grinned at John's surprise. "I may've heard something of that conversation."

"Did you arrange him at the courthouse today?"

Eve eeked out a shrug, "I may've said something to someone and arranged a few things in out favor today."

"You cheeky monkey."

"I'm efficient. You and Robert needed to reconcile."

"I wasn't overly dismal about that."

Eve lifted a hand, "In comparison to losing Anna in your life, sure Robert is small potatoes but have you stopped to think maybe it wasn't for you?" John frowned and Eve continued. "All these memories, these interactions, they've got multiple purposes."

"How'd you mean?"

"God works for the benefit of all His children, not just one. But He'd sacrifice all for just one of His children." Eve tapped the side of her head, "Give that a gander."

"A what?"

"A gander. It's a… never mind." Eve sighed, "Well, I don't want to spoil your date."

"Won't you be lurking about anyway?"

Eve stopped, standing over the table and raised a finger. "Let's make one thing achingly clear here, I don't lurk. That's for stalkers and pedos and other weirdos. I stay within reach the way security protects the Queen."

"I'm honored."

"You should be. Not many people get to see and interact with their Guardian Angel. You're one of the lucky ones."

John bit his tongue, "And Vera's not."

"What?" Eve turned back to him and John cleared his throat.

"Why doesn't Vera see her Guardian Angel? If it's her grandmother wouldn't she be benefited by the presence of someone who loves her so dearly? Wouldn't that change her?"

"Yes to the second and yes to the third but Vera's Guardian Angel doesn't have the approval for a manifestation."

"Why not?"

Eve sat on the edge of the chair, "First, it's a potential violation of agency. The legwork required to have Saul to see and angel on the road to Damascus was insane. Second, because the sad truth is that no one's prayed for her to see her Guardian Angel."

"The way people prayed for me?" Eve nodded and John sighed, "Is there no one praying for her?"

"Not in the positive ways, unfortunately." Eve shook her head, "Vera doesn't ever bother to pray for herself and since her heart's not willing then divine intervention's not going to change her. One has to be open to the idea of it. The Bible refers to it as a 'softening of the heart' and Vera's not got it yet."

"What if she did?" John mused, "What if she could open her heart to it?"

Eve smiled, nudging him with her shoulder before standing again, "You're getting the hang of this Mr. Bates. Road to forgiveness and healing goes through love for our fellowman, no matter the wrongs they've inflicted on us."

"So I'm making progress?"

"I'd say so." Eve ducked to peek out the windows, "And I'm off before I spoil this. See you tomorrow Mr. Bates."

"Goodnight Eve." John stood, making sure Eve was out the backdoor just as Anna walked in the front. He signaled the string quartet in the corner and watched Anna's eyes light up as the lights lowered and John lit the candles on their table.

Walking around the table John extended a hand to her, "I hope you don't mind but I pulled a favor to give us some privacy this evening."

"Mind?" Anna covered her giggle with a hand as the chef emerged from the kitchen, pushing a cart with her favorites on it. "I'd slap you for taking this kind of trouble if I wasn't so excited."

"It's ravioli to your heart's content." John spread his hands at the table before pulling out her chair. "And whatever else. He's excited to test his skills tonight if you want him to."

"This is almost too incredible." Anna sat, putting her napkin over her lap as John took his seat. "Let's start with this and then see where we get yes?"

"Sounds like a plan." John raised his water glass and Anna took her wine glass, "To the best Italian food this side of town."

"Agreed" They clinked glasses and Anna sipped before replacing her glass to cut into her ravioli. "This is perfectly timed."

"He's an expert."

"That he is."

The conversation started light, discussing their food, and moved to their work before the holidays. When Anna paused John recognized the catch in her voice. Dabbing his mouth with a napkin he opened his hand toward her.

"What do you want to ask?"

"You'll think I'm being impertinent."

"I think after I propositioned you for this dinner while listening to a list of traffic violations I'm not in a deciding mood for what is or isn't pertinent." John sat back, opening his arms. "If there's trust between us then that starts with communication. Open and fair."

"No holds barred?"

John nodded, "To use your boxing reference, yes. No holds barred."

Anna put her napkin on the table, "What are you doing for Christmas this year John?"

"Are you afraid I don't have plans?"

"I know you don't have plans, there's a difference." Anna sighed, running hand through her hair. "When we were together you told me you hated Christmas. That it reminded you of the worst times and so you grudgingly celebrated with me."

"I wouldn't say grudgingly."

Anna raised her eyebrows at him, "You grumbled under your breath the whole time you wrapped tinsel around my sitting room. It's not that big."

"I admit, I wasn't in the best of mood then."

"And now?"

"It's different now."

"Why?" Anna crossed her arms over her chest, "Why's it different?"

"Because I'm not raking myself over the coals anymore."

"Because of your Guardian Angel?" John nodded and Anna chewed the inside of her cheek. "What's she said to you that I didn't?"

"Nothing."

"Then why listen to her and not to me?"

John held Anna's gaze, making sure he chose all the right words before speaking. "Because when she said them I was at rock bottom with nowhere else to go."

"Then I as a hindrance?"

"No," John shook his head, "Never that."

"Then what?"

"It's like-" John struggled for a metaphor before snapping his fingers, "Like being on the Tube. When you're in the crush you don't have any thought but for the mad break when the doors open. Only after you're out can you really get a sense of where you are."

"And that's where you are?"

John nodded, "When I had you I was trying to love you as best I could in the midst of divorcing my wife and getting justice for William and so many other things I just buried myself. I couldn't do a thing right because I only saw darkness wherever I looked. It was always at the edges of my vision, threatening any gain or happiness I had."

"And now?"

"Now it's dissipating." John closed his eyes, "I realized the darkness was me. My fear, my lack of trust, my self-hatred."

"Then what am I?" Anna motioned her hand between the two of them, "What are we to each other now?"

"I want us to be friends. But more than that I want to earn your trust back." John reached a hand forward and Anna did not move it away. "There was never anyone I love more than I love you. You were the light in all that darkness and I was so afraid of losing you to it that I lost you. But I won't do that again. I won't be that fool again."

Anna eyed him a moment before tightening her hand in his grip. "I want to believe you, with all my heart, John but you broke it. When you left me last time you shattered me."

"I know."

"I cried for weeks."

"I know."

"Then how could you? How could you show me the happiest dreams of my life, make plans with me, and then turn and tell me you weren't the person for me?" Anna's voice cracked and John cried with her tears. "How could you stand there and tell me you were nothing when you were everything to me?"

"Because I let Vera rule my life and I didn't have the courage to confront the truth of that."

"I'm guessing you'll tell me that's no longer a problem."

"She's not our worry any longer." John corrected, "She's not my worry any longer. I've gained a perspective where she's concerned that's opened my heart in a way where I feel nothing but pity for her."

"Pity?" Anna scoffed, "I hope the woman burns in hell."

"As did I but now… I was given a glimpse into her sadness. I saw her pains, and I realized that perhaps I was in the wrong where she was concerned as well. That maybe I contributed as much to the woman she became as I could've to the woman she wasn't."

"What?"

"I've discovered that Vera's got no one praying for her and I have." John wiped at his eyes, "I don't hate her and she doesn't hold me anymore because I know that there are people still concerned for me. I'm not as alone as I thought I was."

"We never are." Anna took John's hand again. "Do you promise you won't leave me again?"

John nodded as emphatically as he could. "I could never leave you again."

"Then walk me home John."

They gathered their things, bundling against the cold weather, and trekked to Anna's flat. The doorman nodded to Anna and glared at John, who hurried into the lift after Anna. Removing his hat John shuddered, "I don't think your doorman likes me much."

"He's a bit protective over me." Anna unwound her scarf. "He and his wife are my next-door neighbors and heard me crying after you left."

"Then should I be worried for my life?"

"Carson's not that kind of man. He's alike a father to me but he's about as harmless as a teddy bear once you give him a chance."

"As long as you give me a chance the rest of the world can sod it."

Anna giggled, "I guess they can."

They walked to Anna's door and John stepped back. "I hope you enjoyed the evening Anna."

"I did rather." Anna wrapped her fingers in his hand, squeezing it. "I missed you John."

"I missed you too." They stood a moment before John risked it, "Might I kiss you? On the cheek, that is."

"To end our date?" John nodded and Anna frowned. "Why?"

"Because if I'm going to court you properly again I want to do it better this time than I did it last time."

"You're sure?"

"More than anything."

"If you insist on being a gentleman." Anna presented the side of her face, "Go on then."

John bent his head, placing lips on her soft cheek. Anna put a hand to his face and he felt his blood sizzle. Ending the kiss he stepped back, nodding to her.

"Goodnight Anna, and thank you for the lovely evening."

"Goodnight John." Anna went into her flat and John waited until he heard the door lock before going back to the lift.

His fingers were barely on the button before the doors opened and Eve leaned against the back of it. "How'd it go?"

"Don't you know the answer to that question already?"

"Sure I do but people like you to ask like you don't. More polite that way." The doors closed and Eve turned to John. "So?"

"It went well. We're giving it a proper go and I won't screw it up this time."

"Good for you."

John faced her, "Isn't there a fortune cookie saying you're meant to give me right now?"

"Applying allegorical lessons from religious history to your current circumstance in no way compares to a fortune out of a baked good." Eve shuffled her shoulders, "Besides, I hate fortune cookies."

"Well do you?" Eve ignored him and John sighed. "I'm sorry I made light of your moralistic lessons."

"Are you really?"

"Yes."

"Good." Eve stayed silent and John shifted his jaw.

"Do you have one?"

"Do you actually want it?"

"I've grown rather used to them. Being without one feels odd."

"Hm." Eve stepped out of the lift as the doors opened and John hurried to catch her on the street. "That depends on a few things."

"Such as?"

"What you believe about Mary and Joseph."

"Why?"

Eve huddled in her coat as they made for the Tube station. "In your base religion of Catholicism there's a bit of veneration for the Virgin Mother."

"Yes."

"And yet we all seem to forget poor Joseph." Eve held onto the rail, keeping her steps even down the stairs and John matched her to hear what she was saying. "There was a man who, despite the public pressure to divorce his betrothed in a very embarrassing way, wanted to do it quickly. He'd got his heart broken, his reputation was threatened, and he made a decision to respect and honor the woman he still respected."

"I'm guessing I'm not Joseph in this narrative."

"No," Eve shook her head and pointed above them, "Anna is."

"Because she didn't make a thing of it?"

"Because, when an Angel stepped in she listened and took you back." Eve grinned, "Joseph was worthy of a divine visitation that instructed him to love and cherish Mary. He was the surrogate father of Christ on earth because he was not only an obedient man but a good one."

"This isn't the moment where you tell me that I'm pregnant is it?"

Eve smacked John's shoulder, "What do you think you idiot?"

"I think this is the moment you warn me not to cock it all up with Anna again since she's given me a divine opportunity to try it all again."

"Good answer Mr. Bates." Eve entered the train and took her seat, "Good answer."


	8. Weeping Rachel

"Who's next?"

Eve lowered the paper, sitting across from John at his breakfast table. "What?"

"Who's next on our list?" Eve frown and John put down his fork to gesticulate, "You know, it started out with me working through my own problems-"

"I hope you don't think you're done working through those."

"You know what I mean."

"Obviously not since you're explaining yourself." Eve glanced back at the paper, "But go on, I like your voice. It's very calming."

"Anyway," John scowled, "Then we worked through my frustrations with William's case, I confronted my guilt over Anna-"

"Still not finished there."

John continued, as if she had not spoken, "Then we handled my attitude with Thomas, Vera, and even Robert."

"Sounds all nice and sequential when you list it like that."

"Yes, so," John opened his hands, "Who's next?"

"It doesn't work like a bad guy of the week on a serial program." Eve turned toward him, "I don't have a script that indicates you exit stage right and move down stage left before curtain or anything."

"But there _is_ someone next?"

"There's always someone next."

John smiled a bit, "Then you already have someone in mind?"

"In a way." Eve closed the paper. "But you may not like this one too much."

"Who is it?" John paused, "It's not that cousin I scuffled with after the England match when I was ten is it?"

"Don't be ridiculous. We're working on problems, John. Not inbred rivalries." Eve cracked her neck, refusing to meet his eyes. "I'll warn you, this one's a bit different so I'm hesitant to even bring it up."

"Why?"

"Because she's dead."

"Who-" John stopped, "You can't be serious."

"Oh I am. And so was she when I finally got all the permissions to come here."

"When you talk that way you make me think that Heaven is a giant office building demanding forms in triplicate with an endless concourse of waiting rooms and queuing."

"Depends on what part of Heaven you're in I'd imagine but mostly it's because God is a God of order so all of His affairs are in order." Eve stood from her chair, straightening her skirt. "Permission to work and act on His authority is respect for His power."

"And you've been given that authority?"

"In a way. That's how I'm here, now, helping you." Eve ushered him to stand, "We need to get to the office in time today or we'll miss the holiday party."

"You're not serious."

"I am and you're going." Eve forced John into his suit coat and straightened his tie. "It's part of the Christmas spirit."

"It's an excuse for people to get tipsy and then regret facing their coworkers the following Monday."

"Then let's hope you get a chance to make some decisions this weekend that you won't want to tell your grandchildren about eh?" Eve winked and John stopped.

"Aren't you supposed to tell me that fornication is wrong?"

"Technically speaking, yes, but I find if I say nothing at all then I don't impeded your agency. Hate to do that." Eve held John's hat to him. "It's your decision Mr. Bates."

John frowned at her, putting on his hat and leading them out to greet the wisps of snow floating over the air. Eve tipped her head back, sticking out her tongue to catch a few of the errant flakes on her tongue. With a snigger John shook his head. She turned to glare at him.

"Have something to say, Mr. Bates?"

"It'll be gone by noon."

"Enjoy it while it lasts then." She chided, pushing him toward the bus stop.

"It could just be ash you know? Dust and coal streaks. We did have that three day fog last year that killed all those people."

"I know what snow tastes like." Eve took her position at the stop and John leaned next to her. "And this is snow. Be it here for a minute or here for an hour it's here and we're going to enjoy it."

"I hate snow."

"Ah, don't say that." Eve grabbed his shoulder and John stumbled, looking up to see a little boy throwing snowballs across the courtyard of a tenement building. "He loved snow. Ran around all day and would have most of the night if it weren't for his mother calling to him."

Eve pointed upward and John followed her finger to see his mother, leaning over the railing, and yelling in Cant. John smiled to himself, the words taking a moment to translate in his head before he understood them like he used to. His eyes watered and Eve offered him a handkerchief.

"She loved the language of her people. The noble heritage of the Irish traveler who wanders away from home but still remembers it whenever she speaks it. They call it Shelta now, the linguists."

"Do they?" John coughed, wiping at his eyes. "I just thought it was how all mothers talked to their boys."

"No you didn't." Eve rubbed over his back. "But it's why you hate snow now."

"He left on a snowy day." John shuddered, trying to even his breathing so he could speak without a catch to his voice. "We nearly froze that winter because of me."

"You could sit down on a chair that winter because of her." Eve motioned with her hand and they ascended the stairs. "He wasn't your real father you know."

"I know." John gripped the railing of the stairway, each step sending memories straight to his heart. "She married him because she had to."

"And she booted his ass to the well deserving curb because she had the strength." Eve stopped, looking down at him, "She wouldn't thank you for holding that over her head."

"I could never hold it over hers."

"Do your arms ever get tired of holding it over yours?" Eve turned on her heel quicker than John could respond and started up the stairs.

She stepped to the side and John understood why when Young John tore up after them, red nosed and tinged cheeked. They followed him into the little flat and John cringed, seeing the stark reality of their humble circumstances brought before his face instead of aged by time and faded memory. He snuck a peek at Eve, who only raised an eyebrow.

"I grew up in far worse than this."

"But you've probably seen grander."

"I have. But I've also seen places with far less love than that woman has for you." Eve pointed and John saw his mother unwrapping a scarf from around Young John's neck. "She'd open a vein for you."

"She almost did once."

"It was just a scrape."

"I broke my arm." John argued but Eve only shrugged. "Have you ever broken a bone?"

"Several. Delivering my first baby I broke my pelvis in two places. When I swung I broke three bones in my neck."

"Swung?" John forced Eve to face him, "We've spent a lot of time talking about me but now I think it's time for a bit of return."

Eve took a breath, "I died, Mr. Bates, by hanging. I was hung as a witch because I wouldn't bow to the demands of a man who wanted what wasn't his to have. He thought that because my children were taken in the fever and my husband died the year before in an accident that I'd be amenable to a proposition I rejected. That man didn't understand the love I had for my husband." She straightened, "I loved that man until my dying day and our love only increased until his."

"And now?"

"We're together forever, Mr. Bates. That's what love is. What it does. Binds you across time and space to those closest to you." Eve nodded to where Young John helped his mother in the kitchen, scrubbing at a pot with all the energy his twig-like arms could muster. "Don't tell me you haven't felt her love for you since she died."

"I don't deserve it. Not when she had such high hopes for me and I ruined them." John shrugged, "I deserved some of her praise in life, I admit, but I've only disappointed her since then."

"Holy Hell man, are you serious?" Eve smacked John upside the back of the head. "Haven't you learned anything? After everything we've seen and discussed you still think you've got to lug this cross to Calvary."

"You think I don't?"

"Everyone's got their cross to bear but you're the first one who's ever gone to the trouble of stopping at every opportunity to lay another load on your own back." Eve slapped her hand on a wall and John watched the décor alter slightly. "You thought Anna could never forgive you, and she did. You thought maybe your separation with Robert was forever and it wasn't. Your beef with Thomas turned itself around, you even made peace with yourself about Vera, and you let go of your guilt about the justice done to William Mason but none of that was enough for you was it?"

John went to speak but Eve's temper was already lit and the fuse burned out of control. "You think your mother didn't go to her grave thinking she'd done you wrong? That maybe Vera had a moment, infinitesimal as that may've been, where she wondered if she'd treated you poorly? Perhaps Anna debated if she really helped you out of your misery when she distracted a married man? Or Robert berated himself about how he treated you in an hour of need?"

"Why would they?"

"Because we're human, Mr. Bates. Because no one's perfect and anyone that thinks they are is bloody deluded, that's why." Eve pushed her hair back on her head with both hands. "You've got this complex about you, which I partly blame on the stupid British habit of self-flagellating martyrdom, that's had you shouldering the blame for a great many things you don't deserve to carry. "

"I thought we already discussed this."

"I thought so too but obviously you didn't listen." Eve grabbed John's lapel and dragged him back to his mother's room. "Which means you need to listen to something that I hope changes your mind because if you won't hear it from me you might hear it from her."

Eve forced John into the darkened room and he made out his mother's form, kneeling next to the bedside. Her hands where folded, her Bible between her bent arms, and her head bowed. At first John struggled to make out the words but eventually they came clearly to him.

"Lord, I know John's hard on himself. He thinks it's all his fault and I can only pray he realizes it's not. He doesn't play in the snow anymore, just drags that shoe shining kit around and comes home late only to get up early to run those papers across town. I can't get him to smile anymore and I don't know what to do."

John reached forward as his mother bent over the bed, sobbing into the covers as teardrops fell on the cracked covered of her well-read and well-loved Bible. He stopped himself, fingers folding toward his palm to clutch his fist to shake. Eve put a hand on his shoulder and nodded her head in his mother's direction.

"Go to her. Give her the comfort you can."

"But she won't know it's me. We're not really here."

"You'd be surprised how the veil between this life and the next stretches when time bends itself." Eve urged him forward and John knelt by his mother.

His hand trembled but he laid it on her shoulder. She started slightly, her own hand going there, and for a moment John remembered all the times her hands lay over his. Each time they wrinkled more, the spots stood brighter, her veins were more pronounced, but her grip never wavered.

He held his mother as she cried and jumped with her as the door closed in the sitting room. She pushed herself from the bed, wiping her eyes quickly on the corner of a shawl she drew over herself before leaving the room. John reached a hand after her, the warm touch of her still on it, and stood in the room a moment before heading to the corridor as the muffled conversation from down the hall reached him.

"How was it?"

"Cold."

Young John was down the hall to his room before he said another word, shutting the door and leaving his mother alone in the sitting room. John paced toward her, watching the fall of his mother's shoulders with tears in his eyes. She gathered the few dishes there and went to the kitchen.

"Did she pray like that every night?" John turned his head only enough to see Eve out of the corner of his eye over his shoulder.

"From the moment she realized you took work because you noticed the house getting colder or the electricity and gas being turned off. Every penny you dropped in that tin in the kitchen was a nail in her coffin."

"I was only trying to help." John pivoted, thrusting a hand toward the kitchen. "I was the man of the house, it was my job."

"It was your job to have fun. Children shouldn't have to worry about where they're getting their next meal or how they're going to pay for a new pair of shoes."

"But I did, didn't I?" John threw his hands up. "I couldn't just watch us starve."

"No, but you could've cut yourself a break." Eve put her hands on John's face, forcing his eyes to meet hers. "You blamed yourself and saw nothing but misery for years. How long did you slave away shining shoes and tossing papers just to add a few extra pence to your mother's collection? How much of your own happiness did you sacrifice to eat?"

"You need to eat to live."

"No, you eat to live." Eve dropped her hands, "But life is more than bread, Mr. Bates. Man is more than meat, as they say."

"By those who've never had to ignore the growl of their stomach in the dark of the night."

"Maybe but it doesn't make it any less true." Eve folded her arms over her chest. "She prayed for you every night. Her prayers changed slightly when you joined the army. Then, when you got your injury, and again when you married Vera."

"She prayed for me?"

"Well," Eve winced, "More she prayed that Vera would not be in your life for very long. They weren't the nicest of prayers but she made them all the same."

"And after Vera?"

"Her prayers changed." Eve shrugged both her shoulders, running her toe along the threadbare carpet. "When she met Anna she prayed for her."

"Who wouldn't pray for Anna?"

"You never did."

"I don't pray."

"Maybe you should try it sometime." Eve walked to John and they were back in his mother's bedroom.

John saw himself. Still younger but not as young as the others. He shook his head, 'Not this one."

"You already lost your freebie rejection of a memory so I'm going to say no."

"You never told me I only got one."

"You never asked." Eve pointed forward, "Now pay attention since you didn't last time she told you this and you won't hear it repeated."

John went to his mother's other side, looking almost in a mirror to see himself holding his mother's hand as her wheezing breaths filled the silent room. Her hands, now wrinkled and cragged with age, trembled in his grip. Her eyes were on Younger John as she struggled to speak.

"John?"

"Mother don't speak. Save your energy."

"For what? I'm dying Johnny and there's no energy needed to give up the ghost." She cackled a half laugh before coughing. "I'm not to wrestle Satan to gain the gates of Saint Peter's. They either want me or they don't and I'll know soon enough."

"Don't speak like that."

"Like what? Like I'm going to die?" She shook her head, "You never did like to see what was right before your eyes my boy."

"Like what?"

"Like that sweet angel of a girl waiting for you to get your head out of your ass and marry her."

Younger John managed a half chuckle but the weight of his guilt rested too freshly on his soul. "She wouldn't take me. I broke her heart."

"She'll take you any which way she can have you. She's in love with you."

"No she's not."

"Yes she is and stop arguing with me. I'm dying. Show respect for those about to plead for your soul before the Pearly Gates." She managed a wheezing cough before the air rattled in her lungs. "When you went into the army I feared for your life. When you married Vera I feared for your soul. Now, I fear for your heart Johnny. Don't send me to Heaven carrying that."

"I can't do anything about it."

"Yes you can, you just won't." She rose off her pillows, much to the fright of Younger John. She grabbed his shoulders, "You go to that woman or I swear I'll haunt you to an early grave and beat you black and blue until the Kingdom come!"

Her limited energy exhausted she fell back on the pillows. John turned to see Eve laughing to herself. He glared and she raised a hand in apology, covering her mouth.

His mother spoke again and John returned his attentions to her weak words. "I was so proud of you, in your school uniforms. In your army uniform. In your gown when you became a barrister. I've never been anything but proud of you Johnny."

"Mother-"

"Don't talk back." She warned, wagging a finger at him. "I won't have you disrespectful when these are the last words I've got for you."

"No ma'am."

"Better." She smiled to herself, "Much better."

The room quieted to the soft breathing while her hands tightened their grasp on Younger John's. Each breath took longer to enter her chest and, finally, she turned to Younger John. With the last vestige of air in her body she spoke.

"I love and pray for you Johnny. Always have, always will."

John choked on his tears, reflecting the sobs of his younger self when his mother's hands weakened their grip and slipped from his grasp. Eve's hand on his shoulder comforted him and when he flung himself into her grip she held him close. The room practically thundered with the cries of the same man experiencing the worst moment of his life.

Once John had control enough of his emotions he wiped his eyes, nodding his head at Eve. "I'm ready to go now."

"I'd say so." Eve readjusted his hat and John blinked at their bus stop. "We've got time for a stop before work that I think we need to make."

John nodded, "I think so too."

They rode the bus to the cemetery of the large Catholic Church. The priest nodded at John, recognizing him from a distance, and John returned a wave. Eve risked her own wave but only met the priest's disapproving stare.

"What'd I do?"

"I think you're standing too close to me in a shorter skirt than he finds appropriate." John weaved through the stones to find his mother's. "He doesn't take much to new styles."

"I don't take much to Catholicism so there." Eve tapped the top of the stone as John kneeled on the cold ground. "She kept praying for you, you know?"

"What?" John looked up.

"She's one of the two reasons I got approval to come here." Eve ran a hand over the inscription, "Dear Rachel, still praying and weeping over her son."

"Still?"

"Well you still needed it." Eve swallowed, "I'll give you a minute."

John waited until Eve walked a distance away. Clearing his throat he addressed the stone. "I know I haven't come as often as I should've mother but…" Shaking his head John half-laughed, "Still me, making excuses I guess."

"But," He stared at the name, "I'm changing. Your prayers worked and I've got someone to get me back on the right track. And I'm trying mother, I promise I am."

He caught sight of Eve reading the gravestones nearby and John smiled, "She's quite the Guardian Angel Mother. I wish you could be here talking to her with me. You'd like her and she's a lot like you. She believes in me and that's got me to believe in myself again. I know I should've earlier but I didn't and for that I'm sorry."

Tears dropped on the cold ground, "I'm sorry for so much Mother. So much that I can't fix but I promise I won't let it hold me down anymore." John sniffed back his tears, "I forgot, before, what you taught me. But I won't anymore. I promise I won't forget anymore."

John placed his hand on top of the stone, "I love you Mother."

Standing, and finishing dabbing at his eyes with his handkerchief, John called out to Eve. "Are you ready?"

"Yes." She hurried over to him. "I assume it went well."

"Don't you know?"

Eve raised her hand to wobble it back and forth. "It's different with the dead since they've got a different structure. I could repeat what you said but not what she would've said back."

John stopped, "Was she there?"

"Of course she was. She heard every word." Eve waved a hand over John's eyes and he blinked to see his mother for a moment before she seemed to vanish before his eyes. "She's happy for you and she's so pleased by the progress you've made."

"Why didn't she say that to me?"

"Because she already did in life. Besides," Eve bumped him with her shoulder, "It's my job now."

"And you're doing a good job of it."

"I do hope so." Eve guided them through the stones and back to the bus stop. "Beautiful name, Rachel."

"Oh boy."

"You wanted a moral last time."

"I've cried enough for this morning, thank you." John sighed at the pout on Eve's face. "Fine, what?"

"There's a line in the Bible that talks about Rachel weeping for her children. It was a prophecy given to Jeremiah that King Herod fulfilled when he slaughtered all the children in Bethlehem after the birth of Christ." Eve pulled her coat closer, tucking her hands into her armpits as the wind picked up and blew her curly, black hair a bit in the wind. " _A voice heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more._ "

John whistled, "I've never heard you quote scripture."

"It didn't directly apply before." Eve motioned to the approaching bus. "But your mother wept for you quite a bit without comfort."

"And now?"

"Now she's at peace." Eve smiled in her seat, "We chat."

"I'm sure you do." John settled in his own seat before frowning.

Eve caught his expression and matched it, "What?"

"What do people think when you come out of my flat in the mornings?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"No one sees me unless I want them to." Eve winked at him. "It's one of my abilities."

"What else is?"

"That'd be telling Mr. Bates."


	9. Gold

The Christmas party was in full swing and John sighed, rubbing the back of his neck and wishing he could be in bed. He nodded and smiled at some of his office coworkers before heading toward the drinks table. As he reached for one a hand stopped his from grabbing a glass.

John looked up to reprimand the owner but only saw Eve. He huffed and stepped away, guided by her forceful push, and she dragged him to a corner. Making sure they could not be heard Eve folded her arms over her chest.

"I thought you were supposed to be the life of this party?"

"Then you don't pay attention because I'm not the life of any party." John pointed to the dancing and laughing individuals. "I begrudge no one their happiness but this isn't really the scene I envision for myself in pursuing my happiness."

"Then what John? What do you want?"

"I don't know. To not be here?"

"Don't be Scrooge." Eve slapped at his shoulder as John rolled his eyes. "Hey, don't roll your eyes at me."

"I'm trying to ignore me."

"And in so doing you're ignoring her." Eve adjusted John's shoulders to point his head in the direction of Anna. "She's here for you."

John clenched his jaw to stop it dropping. Anna's hair fell in controlled waves to her shoulders, a golden hue casting a slightly halo around her due to her position near one of the lights. Her dress flared below her knees and she stood taller than usual with higher heels John guessed she purchased for just this occasion.

"She's beautiful."

"And I'm sure she'd like to hear you say that." Eve pushed John's shoulder. "Onward and prosper."

John paused, "You're not coming?"

"Be rather inappropriate for me to interfere where you might consider fornication." Eve pointed to herself, "I'm an Angelic messenger after all."

"You seem a little too interested in my love life to be entirely naïve in this."

"Who said anything about naïve? I'm going for innocent." Eve winked, "Go get her cowboy."

"I'm-" John waved a hand at Eve, brushing her off to weave through the revelers to where Anna chatted politely with a nervous man.

The moment John entered her line of sight her face brightened and she broke off her conversation to make her way toward him. They met in the middle of the floor and John extended a hand to her just as the music slowed. Anna raised an eyebrow and John nodded. Taking her in his arms, they started to dance.

With their heights slightly more equal John could stare into Anna's eyes. She smiled at him and nodded over his shoulder. John risked a look, frowning to see Eve still standing there. She raised her glass to him before John turned back to look at Anna.

"She's quite persistent isn't she?" Anna held just below his shoulder, hand curving over his arm to keep her position as John turned them away from a less stable co-worker swaying a bit from an overindulgence in punch.

"How'd you mean?"

"Without her I think it would've taken you a year or more to even acknowledge that I existed."

John coughed, "I always knew you existed."

"Yes, just like you remember everything about me." Anna shrugged, "I guess what I mean about her is, if she hadn't interfered, we'd never be back on speaking terms."

"I hope it's more than that."

Anna bit her lip, "I know what I said the other day, about being willing to give us a chance, but I've been wondering lately if it's not too soon."

"Too soon?"

"You broke my heart John. You-" Anna stopped herself continuing. "We've had this conversation and I don't want to beat a dead horse."

"I thought you said we could try again. That I'd have the chance to earn your trust again."

"I did but now I'm wondering if I'm not setting myself up for more disappointment." Anna ducked her head, "This isn't the place to talk about this."

"Here," John pulled Anna to follow him into his office. He left the lights off, using the flicker of a glow through the drawn blinds to guide them to sit on the sofa there. Their knees touched and John motioned toward Anna. "Please, say what you were going to."

"John," Anna gave a quick, strained smile, and put her fingers in her lap. "You left me once before with nothing more than a veiled threat from Vera. After all our conversations, all your promises, all our dates, all our kisses… after you took me to my bed you left me."

John hung his head, remembering the night he brought his hand to her door and she let him in.

* * *

 _He had nowhere to go. Vera's lawyers were the vultures she needed to pick him clean and they were prepared to. His lawyer, an honorable man but not one associated with the kind of throat-slitting killings Vera's lawyers enacted on a daily basis, had nothing but empty promises and half-heart platitudes for John. He thought about returning to his flat, trying to find a decent night sleep on the lumpy mattress she left after taking the bed frame, the furniture, and ripping the sink halfway out of the wall so water droplets set time in the half-second between the broken clock's ticking._

 _Without his knowledge his feet had carried him to her door. He had seen it before, deposited her here before. At first with nods and smiles, then with kisses to her hand, then with kisses to her cheek followed by embraces that almost had her sinking into his skin, and finally with kisses to her lips. Just before Vera had emerged from whatever hole held her in the shadows, she had even dared suggest she would invite him in. John, grinning like a fool, had wanted nothing more than to accept the offer._

 _Then Vera appeared in his office. John withdrew, trying to fight her with all he had to give, but Vera beat him to the ground like she always did. In his brokenness he was here, before the door that held the key to the only times in his life he ever felt truly happy. And he knew it was wrong._

 _Wrong to bring her into his troubles. Wrong to have teased and flirted and befriended her from the start when he was not free to give of himself. What could he ask her but to live in the gray with him? What could he offer her but promises of a life 'one day' ahead for them? She would be nothing but a mistress to him, not matter what they thought or felt, and it was not fair to her._

 _Even still, there he was._

 _John raised his knuckles to knock on the door and it opened. His weak soul lightened to see her standing there. Her hair, always a halo about her, shined like a beacon in the dark and she let him in without another word._

 _Even in his memories the words they exchanged on her sofa were all prologue and delay. He wanted nothing but her comfort and her voice could be reciting nothing but names from the phonebook and he would listen as if it was the lifeline he needed. It was._

 _The haze of dialogue discussed their options, listed the ways Vera wanted to destroy him, constructed battle plans but in his heart John knew it was all a lie. They both knew why he was there, despite not admitting it except in their heart of hearts, buried deep beneath a primal need for physical connection. He needed her to heal him, if only for a moment, and she wanted to feel like his… if only for the night._

 _Her hands took his face first, drawing him to her soft lips. His hands, less sure and shakier, patted her hair before running through it. The silk in his fingers matched the silk at his lips and John let go. Let go of reason, let go of fear, and let go of propriety._

 _His coat and jacket were off in a moment when he surged forward. Her quick fingers separated his shirt and waistcoat, leaving his tie to dangle between them, before driving through the hair on his chest. John managed to kick his shoes away, ignoring the moment of pain when they threatened to stick at his ankle and dug into his skin, socks flopping uselessly to the floor before his waistcoat and shirt followed._

 _Pressing Anna into the sofa, driven on by her appreciative moans in his mouth, John let his fingers play at the tantalizing edge of her shirt. Her body twisted in his grip, pushing his hand up, and John broke their kiss to stare at her. The normally calm, cerulean color there darkened to a lustful midnight. Without a word Anna's hand left his cheek, grasped his wrist, and forced his hand up her back._

 _Groaning over her John returned to their kiss, sucking at the tongue Anna forced into his mouth. His fingers relished in the feel of her skin, smoother than he could have imaged, and played at the clasp to her bra. Anna's hand slipped down the arm she held and worked behind to release her bra clasp before John could even decipher the complicated contraption._

 _Taking this as his cue John lifted her shirt over her head. It wafted to the ground, the thump of the sturdier bra material ending its graceful glide when it landed on top of it. John leaned back, glorying in the sight of Anna, and dipped his head to her neck while his hands explored the treasure she offered him without compunction._

 _He treated it with care. His lips and tongue working to soothe and taste her skin in time to the breathy keens and whimpers Anna let out. Her hands were far less guided in their mapping of his back and shoulders, raking through the hair at his neck and chest whenever John's fingers happened on a ticklish or sensitive spot on her body. These he chased with fervor to bring out Anna's higher pitched sounds and more guttural groans._

 _Eventually his lips crested the top of her breast and Anna gasped. Her hands stuttered in their tease toward the line of his belt and John seized his advantage, letting his tongue guide the path to her nipple before suckling at it. Nails dug painfully into the back of his head while her back arched to give him more, to get more for herself. John's fingers massaged and kneaded her other breast, adoring the way she writhed under his attentions while seeking to return them in kind._

 _Her practice was not so fine. Perhaps she had not dreamed about it like he had. Perhaps she had never experienced someone who could drive her past the point of sanity. Perhaps she could sink deeper into the sensations than he could. Whatever the reason, Anna regained her hands only slowly, but when she did John heard the clink of his belt and felt the snap through his belt loops before the solid leather hit the floor._

 _Realizing the risk if she gained any control of his less obedient appendages, John returned to her mouth, hands still working over her breasts to drive her closer to her peak. He knew how her breathing changed when they kissed deeply, when his tongue tangled with hers, and followed experience to know the catches in her breath now signaled she would be driving herself closer to the edge._

 _His hand worked the material of her trousers apart, surprising her with the pop of the button. She broke the kiss, her eyes wide, but her neck arced backward when his fingers played over the soaked material of her knickers. John slid one arm behind her, molding over the flesh of her ass under her trousers and shifted slightly for her to kick the offending article off her legs._

 _John settled between her bent knees, enjoying how her hips now rolled into the touches of the fingers playing over the dampened fabric and his other fingers playing under the elastic band to tickle the skin of her ass. He kissed over her neck, sucking at the juncture between her shoulder and neck, while his hand eased her knickers down at the back. The material covered the fingers he swept between her folds, adding to the sensation brushing over the swollen and glistening flesh there._

 _Anna's hands scrambled over his shoulders, hot breath bathing his neck while she tried to master her emotions and body. But it was too late. With John slipping two fingers into her core and returning the attentions of his mouth to her previously forgotten breast, Anna cried out. Each dig of his fingers, each curl, each caress against her inner muscles set her body twisting to alleviate the pleasure. Each lick of his tongue, tease of his teeth, suck of his mouth had her nails raking fresh furrows down the line of his back. And when he found the spot that had her absolutely screaming him to deafness, John flicked his thumb at her hardened nerve bundle._

 _The keening cry echoed in his ears, forever seared on his brain when Anna climaxed. If he did nothing else for the rest of his life, John realized, that was the accomplishment he wanted to be remembered for. He kissed her forehead, realizing the distance in Anna's eyes was due to her inability to fully return from the peak of pleasure, and he carefully removed her knickers before lifting her from the sofa._

 _Holding her close John found her room. He entered, intent on leaving Anna to rest on her bed, and then leave. He had already been there too long already. Done too much already. For as hard as he was and perhaps for how much shame he might feel later at the knowledge he would need to self-manage the problem he created, John could not bring himself to do anything more. The guilt of offering what he had to Anna, even if giving her pleasure was the highlight of his existence, would haunt him far worse if he considered what leaving himself satisfied with her would mean._

 _But when she grabbed his hand he did not brush her off. When her clumsy fingers managed to unbutton his trousers and push them down his legs with his pants he did nothing. When she spread her legs and pulled him back between them, John could not say no._

 _Her hands met at the back of his head, trilling there in a soft caress instead of the violent pleasure her nails left on his back. Her eyes, still holding the haze at the edges, met his in the dark of the room and she nodded to him. John tried to shake his head but her lips took his again and he was helpless._

 _The leg she nocked over his hip aligned them. The hand she steered to the back of his neck guided him. The hand she glided over his thick erection set his teeth on edge. The whimper in her voice, as her placed her mouth by his ear, finished him._

 _"Please make me yours John."_

 _John pushed forward. It almost broke him. The warmth, the wetness, the tightness there had him rolling his hips past her still fluttering and clenching muscles. But when he sat fully inside her they matched one another with sighs of pleasure._

 _Her pleasure was full, unadulterated, pure. His was filled with guilt. He knew hers for what it was, his for what it was. He wondered, as he drew to the edge and drove forward again with the same aching slowness, if she knew as well._

 _They did not speak. Her body responded to his as if made for just such an occasion. Her hips rose to meet his, the sounds of their bodies meetings forming a base for the sounds of pure bliss from her and his, almost strangled, grunts. He wanted to hold back, to deny himself what he did not deserve. But when Anna sank her nails into the flesh of his ass to bring him closer, when she raised her hips to send him deeper, when she guided his hand between them to rub against her shamelessly, John was lost._

 _He took her lips so he would not say anything. He rushed his other hand all over her skin to commit her to sloppy memory. He pushed her to her second orgasm to give her at least that… if nothing else, she could have that. He finished to give himself something he knew he did not deserve, could never have again, and would forever remember with pain and poison._

 _But it was what they could have for the moment and if, for even the tiniest slivers of eternity, he could have it he would._

 _Anna dozed when they finished. Her hands slowing in their glide over his body as she released him with the relax of her muscles. John only took a moment, brushing some of her golden hair away from her smiling face, and got up. He moved quietly in her flat to gather his clothes and dress._

 _He moved eve more quietly when he slipped from her flat and never returned._

* * *

John faced Anna, bringing his head up. She shook her head, "I thought, for a moment, I could trust you again but after what you did…"

"I know."

"But you don't, John." Anna stood, rubbing furiously at the tears John was sure she wished were not betraying the depth of her emotions to him. "You don't know what you did."

"What did I do then?" John opened his hands, standing as well. "I know I broke your heart, I know I left you, I know I didn't trust you but what else did I do?"

"You…" Anna's shoulders shook with her sobs, "You left me pregnant John."

He gaped at her, not sure he heard her right. "I did what?"

"I'm pregnant John." Anna sniffed, taking the edge of her dress to her eyes. John beat her to the punch, offering her a handkerchief, and she tried a half smile, dabbing at her eyes. "Thank you."

"It's nothing." John formed his jaw around empty air a moment before words filled the space. "When did you know?"

"The day I insisted we needed to start being professional to one another." Anna sniffed, "I saw a midwife and she told me I was about eight weeks or so along."

"You didn't know before?"

"I've never been exceedingly regular in my monthly and none of those horrible things like morning sickness or unexplained urges hit so I didn't detect something wrong until I realized how long since I had a cycle." Anna let John guide her back to the couch to sit. "It's not how I wanted to tell you but you were so inclined to having us back together again and I couldn't bear to put all my hopes on you being different this time only to leave me alone with your baby."

"Anna," John took her hands in his, "No matter what, I would never abandon you or our child. Whether or not you trust me or forgive me ever again is not a factor in whether or not I'll be there for you and this baby."

"Really?"

"I won't leave him, or her, to be raised by you alone." John put a hand out, compressing the air just above Anna's abdomen. "Whatever happens I promise you, this baby will be mine as much as yours and the responsibility will be mine as much as yours."

Anna held his gaze, "You're sure?"

"This may not be how I wanted to be a father but if it's what I've got then it's what I'll work with."

Anna wiped away her tears, "I'll lose my job if anyone finds out."

"We'll figure something out. I promise." John risked a look through the blinds at the party. "It's winding down out there but I should be able to get you home without anyone thinking we've gone."

John pulled Anna to her feet and they rounded the edge of the party before gathering their coats from the racks. They walked to the bus stop and John escorted Anna to her front door, under the less ferocious glare of Mr. Carson at the front desk. When they stood there John remembered what he thought about in his office and coughed to himself.

Anna stopped, "Is something wrong, John?"

"I just-" His hand flailed a bit toward the door. "When you said, in my office, what I did to you I just feel odd, being here now."

"Oh," Anna's cheeks tinged red. "I hope it's not all bad memories."

"No!" John shook his head, "It was…"

"The best." Anna finished, "I'd never had better than you."

"Me either." They stood in silence a moment longer before John shrugged his shoulders toward the lift. "I'd best be getting home, before it gets too late."

"John," Anna bit her lip. "What you said, in your office, about being here for me… are you sure?"

"I'd never abandon my child Anna." John closed his eyes, blinking away his tears. "I'd say that I'd never abandon you but I did once. My saying 'I'll never do it again' doesn't quite have the level of safety and promise it should."

"But it's a start." Anna assured, her hand on his arm.

John covered her hand with his and nodded, "It's a start. Goodnight Anna."

"Goodnight John."

He walked to the lifts, pressing the button. The emotions swirling in him sped his thoughts to racing like formula cars around tight tracks. He stepped into the empty space and pressed the button for the lobby.

The doors about shut when a hand snaked between them. John looked up to see Anna standing there. She gaped then gathered herself.

"When I told you I was pregnant what did you feel?"

"What?"

Anna forced the doors back when they tried to close on her. "What was your first reaction?"

"Shock."

"Why?"

"Because I never thought I would be so lucky."

Anna's hand fisted in John's coat and dragged him from the lift. He barely had a moment to register what was going on before Anna's lips were on his. His natural reaction had his hands holding at her waist, returning the kiss as much as he could before she broke away.

"I'm…" John shook his head, "I'm confused."

"I know," Anna leaned her head on his chest. "I'm sending you mixed signals and my hormones have driven me mad but I know the only way we get through this is together."

"I want that with all of my heart."

Anna put a hand to his face, "You've changed so much John and I won't discount that because I'm afraid."

"You're not the only one who's afraid." John soothed, "I'm terrified because I know I don't deserve you and I'll never be good enough for you."

"Mr. Bates," Anna chided, laughing a little with a hint of tears at her eyes. "We've waited long enough to be together you and I. Can we let it be enough for now?"

"Yes." John put a gentle hand to the back of her neck, stroking over the skin there. "It's more than enough. More than I'd ever hoped or dared to deserve."

"Not me." John raised an eyebrow and Anna reached to her neck. For the first time John noticed the chain there. She pulled it out and showed him the engagement ring dangling from it. "I never got rid of it because every time I thought about tossing it something stopped me."

"Something stopped you?"

"It would sound odd," Anna let the ring drop back to her dress before meeting John's eyes again. "But when you told me you'd seen your Guardian Angel I wondered if maybe I had one looking out for me too."

"I'm sure you do. Probably a host of them."

"I only need the one." Anna paused, "But that was when I really knew God was listening to me."

John caressed her face, "When?"

"When you told me Eve was your Guardian Angel."

"How?"

"Because He answered my prayers and sent you someone."

John dipped down and kissed Anna, moving his lips over hers with care. When he pulled back, holding her face in his hands, he whispered. "I should've known God was real when He sent you to me. But I doubted and I was a fool and I can only beg you forgive me."

"I already forgave you John."

"Then trust that I'll spend the rest of my days trying to make you happy?" John waited, "Please Anna?"

She looked at the ground and then back at him, "How could I say anything else?"

John hugged her close, cradling her in the corridor before she pushed away. Afraid he did something wrong Anna only smiled at him. Rubbing her thumb over his cheek she whispered, "I'd rather not continue this in the hall, if it's all the same to you."

Nodding, almost giddy with happiness, John followed Anna to her door. She opened it quickly, pushing inside with John on her heels, and closed it behind them. There was dark a moment before she flipped a switch and suddenly John saw as if the past the present merged.

There was the sofa, he saw the corridor to her bedroom, and the guilt he bore on his shoulders the last time he stepped through her entryway returned. As if he broadcast the feelings Anna had her hands pushing his coat off his shoulders, removing his hat, and forcing his eyes to meet hers. John gathered his courage and faced her.

"We're here now John. The past is the past now."

He nodded, "I couldn't bear to leave you again."

"Neither could I so it's a good thing we're not leaving one another anymore isn't it?" Anna tugged on his hand. "Will you come with me John?"

John removed his jacket, hanging it next to his hat and coat on the pegs she put in the hall and bent to her coat. His hands barely ghosted over her, drawing it off her arms to hang on the pegs. They did not stop staring at one another as John bent to her feet, removing her shoes one at a time. His shoes and socks followed suit, thumping on the wood of her entry.

Anna smiled at him, pulling on his tie so he followed her to her room. They entered, the light from the entryway their only guide, and Anna slipped his tie loose to drop on the floor. His waistcoat followed, a hollow puff of air that barely distracted Anna from slipping the buttons loose on his shirt and cuffs. The flutter of the fabric could have been confused for the wings of a delicate creature in its glide to the ground.

John's arms stayed mostly immobile. Anna froze, looking at him with confusion until his hands covered hers on his chest. He kissed the fingers of both of hands before whispering to her in the half-light.

"This is your decision and your arena. Last time I led and I left. I'm here at your behest and, if you choose, I'll go if you decide. Whatever happens if because you want it."

"What about what you want?"

"I only want you Anna." John choked, trying to speak past the swell of emotion in his throat. "However, whenever, whatever."

She smiled, "I want you today, tomorrow, and forever. More importantly, I want you now."

"Then I'll be here for you now."

"And tomorrow?" Anna's fingers twitched, suddenly unsure, but John held them as if they were delicate china pieces.

"And any day after you want me."

Anna surged up, taking over his mouth with hers. John responded and helped steer her back toward the bed. When her legs touched the edge she stopped him, her hands moving to his belt to slide it free.

Unlike the last time this felt slower, surer, and safer. Even with the knowledge that they had a baby growing in Anna, that they were not fully healed, that they had such a long way to go, John felt free. He kissed Anna without reservation, succumbed to the questing of her fingers without guilt, and slid the zipper of her dress down her back without fear.

Her clothing reached the floor as his trousers and pants did, leaving them as naked as they were the last time they shared her bed. John helped Anna situate herself, comfortable and ready for him. His weight depressed the bed but she sighed when their lips met again.

Perhaps it was the dark or John's imagination but he thought he could see the slight swell at Anna's stomach. His hand ghosted there while they kissed, wishing he could feel the evidence more fully. Instead he found Anna's ticklish spots, which only sent them into nervous giggles that slipped to natural laughter.

Dipping his head, John kissed over Anna's neck. Her fingers retraced paths she once trod over his shoulders and back. John wondered if the marks she left on him the last time they took this position were there and if her hands would find them again. Maybe refresh them for him.

Anna's leg tried to find his hip but John slid his body down hers. His lips lathered her breasts with all the love and kisses his caresses could muster to leave Anna crying out in pleasure. Pleasure without the risk of pain. John gave himself over to tracing her body slowly. Not the rushed, anxious memorization of last time but of someone knowing they could return anytime they wanted.

When his shoulders spread Anna's legs wider her breath hitched. John paused, interlacing the fingers of one of her hands to bring her gaze in his direction. He waited, seeking silent permission to continue. Anna managed a jerk of her head in the affirmative and John quested closer to her center.

His fingers remembered the way she responded last time and returned to manipulating her glistening folds. When his lips kissed over her delicate nerves her hips tried to throw him but a hand running from her breasts to her stomach distracted her while also holding her body in place. The touch of his tongue on her had Anna howling to the heavens and John wondered what her neighbors, who heard her sob after he left her the last time, would think now.

But John did not wonder long. Instead he rededicated his efforts to her. He licked and sucked at her, drawing her weeping folds into his mouth before spreading her open. Even in the low light he wanted to weep at the sight of her before he plunged his tongue to fully taste her.

The perfection of how wet, warm, and sweet she was sent John's hips rutting toward the bed. He took a moment, easing down from his ministrations on her, to gather himself before continuing. This was about her. It would always be about her. It was forever about her.

Anna's fingers clung to his scalp, digging half-crescents he hoped and feared would scar there forever. Proof that he could not only give her this pleasure but also return to give it to her again. All he wanted was evidence all over his body that he gave the little he could to her… and always would.

When he used his fingers to find that spot that sent her shrieking last time Anna threw her head back to the pillows. Her upper body shifted and writhed until John found the spot. He rubbed there, curled his fingers against her clinging inner walls, and forced her higher and higher.

The cry of his name forced John back as her legs tried to box his ears. His fingers, almost strangled in the force of her climax, soothed as much as he could from the inside in time with his strokes over her sweating skin. John kissed back up her body until he met her lips.

Anna took control of his mouth, licking over any place that held her taste to seize it for herself. John gave himself over to it, losing himself in the sensation to the point where he jerked when her fingers closed over him. She tightened her grip and John groaned, losing himself in her hold, before shifting forward. Her legs opened and John sank into her.

They both stopped, staring at one another, until Anna slid a hand to his ass. John withdrew and drove forward, forcing Anna to close her eyes in ecstasy. Her encouraging moans and keens guided John's speed until all he could think was how to better chase the high for them. His fingers brushed at her center while he adjusted the roll of his hips to scrape himself against the spot inside that had Anna howling out her pleasure.

The break had John stuttered a final few thrusts before he settled over her. Anna finally opened her eyes, pulling John to kiss her quickly. When they broke apart John slipped free and settled on the bed next to her as Anna buried her head between his chin and his shoulder.

Wrapping an arm around her waist, John held her close. Kissing at her head he smiled, "Are you alright?"

"I think, John," Anna stroked her hand over his arm. "I feel right for the first time in some time."

"I love you Anna." John glided his hand over her back, "I always did but I was afraid of it."

"Afraid I didn't love you?"

"Afraid I couldn't love like you deserve."

Anna lifted her head to see his face, "You love me more than enough John."

He kissed her forehead, "I promise to love you forever."

"I know." She settled, taking a deep breath before releasing it. "Did you ever realize that the gift of gold to the Christ child was because that's what you give kings?"

"And what you give queens." John found the chain, holding the ring for them both to see. "This is what you deserve to wear on your finger again Anna, if you want."

"I do." Anna slipped the ring from the chain to her finger. "Does that make me your queen, Mr. Bates?"

"That makes me yours, Anna." John kissed her ring finger. "It means I'm yours and always will be."

"And I'm yours." Anna sighed, "As true as gold."

"You're better than gold." John held her close, "You're everything to me."


	10. Frankincense

John shifted and blinked when he felt something silky against his face. Twisting he noticed the light of morning coming through the room to illuminate the golden hair in front of his face. He smiled when he realized Anna moved to put her back to his chest in the night.

His hand ghosted under her bent arms to feel her stomach. He was not sure how soon one could feel a baby but John fancied he detected a little difference there. A tiny life growing and living inside the woman he loved more than life itself.

"You're staring." John jumped slightly at the sound of Anna's voice. She turned onto her back, sliding his hand over to keep it at her abdomen. "And you stayed."

"I'm not like I was before."

"I know," Anna traced the line of John's nose, keeping his hand at her stomach. "Then you're in for the long haul?"

"Every moment of it." John walked his fingers up her, smiling bigger and bigger with each giggle Anna released. "Dirty nappies and school uniforms and washing and rambunctious roughhousing… I'm in for the lot."

"There won't be any roughhousing in my house." Anna warned.

"Then all the rest of it."

Anna sighed, pulling herself up to the headboard, leaning back on the pillows there. "We never spoke about children before."

"Never had time. Vera reared her scaly head and when she said 'jump' I said 'how high'." John sighed, "I guess I denied us the chance to really discuss any kind of future."

"That's not true." Anna leaned her head on John's shoulder, holding his hand in hers with her fingers fitting perfectly in the space between his. "We talked about what we wanted."

"Not together."

"Then you weren't paying attention John." Anna chided.

* * *

 _John set down the chopsticks on the Chinese takeaway box and wiped his hands on a napkin. "Alright, what do you want then?"_

 _Anna slurped the noodles between her chopsticks, swallowing before grinning. "You mean because I'm taking the mickey out of you for wanting to retire to a farm?"_

 _"What's wrong with a farm in Ireland?"_

 _"Nothing except for the fact you're a born and bred city boy. You wouldn't know the first thing about a farm."_

 _"And you do?"_

 _"I happened to grow up on a farm."_

 _"Liar." John flicked a bit of fortune cookie at Anna but she responded with a packet of soy sauce. "You did not."_

 _"I did. My parents raised a rare breed of sheep." Anna sipped her tea. "I only got away from it because I convinced them I wanted to be a solicitor when I was thirteen."_

 _"That's a bit young to commit to long, thankless hours."_

 _"Yeah," Anna sucked something from her teeth. "They weren't overly excited when I told them I turned to legal research. Thought I'd be better suited for the legal world if I could actually pay off a debt or two."_

 _"Maybe." John sat back in his chair, "But this is all files and interrogations and deals anyway. The amount of time I actually spend in front of a judge with witnesses involved is a sliver of a percentage compared to the hours I'm here, chugging away with depositions and legal jargon."_

 _"I guess we're both a bit disappointing to our younger selves then." Anna paused, John's face falling. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to assume you-"_

 _"No," John held up a hand. "It's not far off actually."_

 _"Then you really did want a farm in Ireland?"_

 _"My father did."_

 _Anna put her food to the side, leaning over the table toward him. "You don't talk about your father often."_

 _"I've not got much to say about him. I only remember his stories and a few other details. Everything else is what my mother told me and we all know those are only the best parts."_

 _"Parents hope we remember those." Anna swirled her chopsticks inside the paper box. "My mother hoped we'd remember my father for all the good times and not the poverty he left her in when he died."_

 _"I thought she remarried."_

 _"She did but I try not to think about to whom." Anna sighed, "He was a pale shadow compared to my father. He knew enough about farming to help my mother keep it all going but he wasn't anything I remember fondly."_

 _"Then you don't go back and visit?"_

 _"What's to visit but a woman I barely know anymore and a man I hate?"_

 _John risked his next comment, "The sheep?"_

 _Anna stopped and they both laughed, John's heart lightening at the sight of Anna's uninhibited smile. He wanted to continue giving her reasons for that smile._

* * *

John chuckled to himself, "I think I've given up the idea of farming in Ireland. Even if you'd be willing to help me run a farm I don't have the energy for it."

"Smart decision." Anna shifted next to him. "What about us John."

"What?"

"I know you'll be here for the baby and I trust you to keep your word there. I know you want us to pick up where we left off and I trust you'll be true there as well but…" Anna motioned toward her stomach. "I won't be getting anything but bigger."

"What do you want me to do?" John put up a hand to stop Anna's argument, "I don't mean that in any way you might construe as antagonistic or passive aggressive. I'm sincerely asking what you want me to do because I'd do it."

"You would?"

"Anna," John moved on the bed so he was sitting across from her, "I'd walk into the pits of Hell if you wanted me to. I'm yours to command."

"Be careful how you use that promise John." Anna edged forward, one of her hands playing with the sheets at his waist. "I might encourage you to do something you'd regret."

"If it's with you, I could never regret it."

Anna nodded, "Alright then. I want you to marry me."

"Marry you?"

"Yes. You'll get a special license and we'll be married."

John blew out a gust of air. "I'm not sure it's that simple."

"Why not?"

"The Registrar is busy this time of year, there's the ring, our office policy, and a number of other things."

"Well this baby's coming despite any of those worries and either I'm the unmarried woman bearing your bastard out of wedlock or we're the happy couple greeting a baby earlier than planned."

John nodded, "Then I'll do it."

"Good." Anna put a hand to his cheek, "But I want this to be what you want, John. Not just what I'm telling you to do so you'll feel obligated to me for the rest of our days and grow to resent me and our baby."

"I could never do that." John cupped her face in his hands. "You mean more to me than life itself and if this is what it took to make me realize that than I should kick myself and never let you go."

Anna smiled, "I mean that much to you?"

"You're the world to me, Anna." John kissed her and moved down her neck. "And I'd like to show you how much you mean to me."

"Maybe," Anna pressed John's shoulders back to the headboard before ripping the sheet away to wrap her hand around his growing erection. "I should see for myself instead."

"If you like."

"I would." Anna straddled his legs, testing her hand with a soft grip over him. "I'll admit, I'm not very practiced so you'll have to tell me how it goes."

"You'll learn quickly." John hissed when she tightened her hold. "Very quickly."

"Good," Anna pumped at him before licking her lips. "What you did, last night, can I do that to you?"

"What?" John forced his mind to focus but had no time to answer before Anna tested him by licking a stripe up the underside.

He bucked in her hold but she maneuvered around him to trail kisses over him. John could never imagine anyone wanting to learn him with such enthusiasm but Anna's level of engagement taking him to the edge rivaled her professional skills. With the sheets strangling in his grip, John howled at the ceiling when she first took him in her mouth.

"Anna you've… you can't… I need…" John fought against himself while Anna traded between short pulls and long draws over him like someone might manipulate an ice cream.

She sat up, moving forward, and spread her legs to sink down on him. "I know what you need John because I need it too."

Rocking onto him, Anna settled. They stayed there a moment, eyes meeting in the half-light of morning, before she moved again. Her grip on his shoulders changed, digging in to give herself the leverage she needed to rise and fall in a bobbing motion. John risked his hands in a steady mapping of her body.

He sought out the points where she moaned, spent his attentions where her breath hitched, and applied his affections anywhere she might be the least bit sensitive. When her hips gyrated and rocked instead, Anna cried out as she sent him hitting the spot she needed inside her. John focused his mouth on her neck and breasts to aid in her chase of pleasure so when she broke he could finish with her.

They settled, looking at one another, and John echoed Anna's satisfied grin. "I hope I lived up to your expectations."

"More than."

* * *

John entered his flat and noted Eve sitting on his sofa, trying to control the black and white television with a remote. She growled at it before hitting the power button to send the picture fading to nothingness. Holding up the remote she directed her attention to him.

"This is crap."

"I don't really watch telly." John set his things down and took stock of the room. Other than Eve on the couch nothing had moved or changed. "Did you sleep here?"

"I don't need sleep."

"Then you're just here?"

"I come and go as I'm needed and as I please."

John pointed to the television, "Then why bother with the television?"

"Mostly so it's not as weird that I'm waiting for you in your flat." Eve crossed one leg over the other, leaning back into the sofa cushions. "So, how was your evening? And morning since it's past noon."

"I thought you didn't want to know?"

"I can't be directly involved and I'd like you to spare me the details but that's the business and common courtesy. Mostly I was asking in terms of taking the temperature of your relationship."

John took the chair, facing Eve on the sofa. "Funny you should mention my relationship with Anna."

Eve frowned, "Not really since it's been about all I've talked to you about since I've been here. Interspersed with other things, sure, but mostly her and you together."

"Then you won't be surprised when I tell you Anna's pregnant?"

Eve choked, "What?"

"Anna's pregnant." John shook his head, "Don't feign shock. It doesn't suit you."

"Then you're just as bad at reading my expressions as anyone else's since this is genuine." Eve pointed to her face. "Given your reaction and what I know about the 'infallible Ms. Smith' it's yours."

"Yes."

"Congratulations then."

John scoffed, "You're really going to lie to me? As an Angel?"

"It's not lying to say I didn't know."

"Like you didn't know Anna was the other person praying for me?"

Eve held up a finger, "I never said I didn't know who was praying for you. Just that I wouldn't tell you who those people were. There's a difference."

"Then where you keeping the existence of my child from me?"

"No since I didn't know about Baby Bates."

"How could you not know since you know everything else?" John stood, his voice growing louder, but Eve was not intimidated.

"Okay, I should probably give you a bit of a refresher course in this. First," She held up her fingers as she ticked off her explanations. "I only know what I need to know to do my job. God is the one who knows everything, not me. Second, I wouldn't keep that information from you if I'd known because I believe you deserve to have the option of being responsible for something. Third, I'm your Guardian Angel, not Anna's. What happens to her is not within my purview of information."

"Even though it's my child?"

"It's growing in her and so her Guardian Angel would be the one consulting on it. Since it was her agency to not tell you about the baby until now her Guardian Angel couldn't break the confidence they share to tell me so you'd know any more than I'd break confidence with you to ease the fears of someone else." Eve shrugged, "It's a ruddy business but it's part of life."

John took his seat again, "I never thought I'd have a child."

"Are you terrified?" John nodded but Eve only smiled. "Then you're in the right mindset for one. Frightening little buggers, all of them. Without exception children are the worst thing you'll ever confront."

"That's not comforting."

"That's reality. However," Eve gathered her things, "They're also the best thing you could ever do. A lesson in selflessness and love so you get a fraction of the love God has for you. It's a joy to behold."

"Is that what they were for you?"

"Yes." Eve shrugged, "But right now you're getting your frankincense so try not to be too greedy."

"My what?"

"They say sex is a key to stress relief and that's what frankincense is." Eve grinned, "It's better than saying you're getting ready for burial since that's a sexual innuendo I haven't liked since Shakespeare's time."

John shook his head at her, "Sometimes I wonder what kind of party you throw in your mind all the time."

"It's always something." Eve winked, "See you at work on Monday Mr. Bates."


	11. Myrrh

John gathered his breath and knocked on Anna's office door. She opened it and her eyes widened at the sight of the flowers in his hand. Taking a shuddering breath he spoke.

"I know I mucked this all up and it's very sudden and not at all romantic but I'd like to ask if you'd accompany me to the Registry Office just two floors down and marry me."

Anna covered her mouth, laughing with a smile that spread to her eyes. John joined in, the two of them giggling like school children until Anna had to wipe tears from her eyes. Once she settled, taking a few deep breaths to gain control of herself, Anna nodded.

"Mr. Bates I'd be honored to walk with you to the Registry Office."

"Perfect." John extended her his arm and they took the stairs two floors down to enter the Registry Office.

The attendant there had them wait in the hard wooden seats but John could not find itself in him to care. Anna gripped his hand with excitement glowing all over her face and he grinned like a fool. After a moment someone took the seat on the other side of John.

"I hope I'm not too late for it all." John started to see Eve there, touching up her hair in a small compact mirror. "I do hate to be late for weddings."

"Why aren't you at your desk?"

"No one said I couldn't take my lunch hour at the same time as you and since you need a witness…" Eve spread her hands as if putting herself on display and then leaned over John to shake Anna's hand. "Congratulations on the bun in your oven by the way."

Anna glared at John as he tried to defend himself. "She already knew."

"It's true. I knew the moment you told him." Eve jerked a thumb at John, "And he was quite upset I didn't know ahead of time."

"Did you know?"

"No," Eve nodded a 'hello' to the empty seat next to Anna. "It was a private matter and it resolved itself."

"I'll say, "Anna rubbed up John's arm, "It resolved itself very well."

"Just so you know," Eve lowered her voice in a conspiratorial whisper. "I wanted him to stay with you from the get-go but I guess it's pointless to cry over spilt milk right?"

"Right." Anna agreed and sat back, "What do you do, after all this?"

"You mean now that John's head is yanked out of his ass and has less chance of going back there?" Anna cringed and John rolled his eyes. "Probably just fade into the background. Mrs. Harding gets back to her post after Christmas Day and then life goes on. I would say 'back to normal' but we're all hoping it gets better than normal aren't we?"

"I guess we are." Anna took a beat, "But is this what it's like all the time for you?"

"No," Eve laughed, "Sometimes it's worse."

"How?"

"Well," Eve crossed one leg over the other. "Think of it this way, John's a stubborn one but he's willing to change. Some people aren't. They'd rather die then try and correct their mistakes because they want to wallow in misery or they don't think they were wrong. The whole world could walk out on them and they'd be convinced it was the world's fault. I've got a few of those."

"Are they really bad?"

"More pitiful really. It just makes the heart hurt." Eve sighed, "It's like myrrh."

"Myrrh?"

"It's an ancient perfume that'll be used as a useless essential oil in seventy years."

John shook his head, wondering what Anna must be thinking now that she could understand a fragment of what he went through in a daily battle with Eve. "So how's it relevant?"

"Because, myrrh was given to the Christ child in recognition of His ultimate destiny."

"Ultimate destiny?" Anna frowned, "You mean His death?"

Eve nodded, "In ancient Israel myrrh was a common perfume used to help embalm bodies. Those wise men, with the three listed gifts, recognized His right to rule, His divinity, and His destiny. Gold for a king, frankincense for a priest, and myrrh for His death. All very poetic."

"How does that relate to myrrh?" John noted his confusion reflected on Anna's face. "What does myrrh have to do with making your heart hurt?"

"In this case it would be Mary's, the mother of Jesus. There she was, before her child is even born, and she knows His ultimate end. As much as she wished otherwise she knew her son would die for all men. That kind of knowledge sits on the heart in a way that can be pretty painful."

"And your job gives you that pain?"

"Everyday."

Before John could say anything else the attendant came back and waved them to follow. The trio made their way to the back office where the officiator, in a frightful tizzy, was talking about being down a witness. Eve winked at John and stepped forward.

"I can fill in as second witness to this glorious matrimony."

"Glorious?" The man huffed, "People only come here when they're a little short on other options."

"That's a little judgmental." Eve folded her arms over her chest, "Not everyone wants a white wedding in a church."

"Not everyone can wear white at their weddings." The man snapped back, straightening his tie.

"Your wife couldn't." Eve smiled as the man stuttered in his movement. "Not after what made you rush your wedding by three weeks."

"How did you-?"

"Not important. What is important," Eve pushed the man to his place, "Is that you marry this lovely couple and keep your opinions to yourself from this moment forward."

"I beg your pardon."

"You should." She stepped back, dusting a moment at John's shoulder before signaling the man. "Proceed."

The man coughed, clearing his throat while giving Eve a withering glare, and began. "Dearly beloved, we gather here today to witness-"

John pulled out the rings at the proper moment, repeated after the man, and even kissed Anna but it was all like something from a movie. The perfect hand in his could not possibly be real, the glowing face of the perfect woman before him could not be real, and nor could the fact that he was hers and she was his now. It had to be a dream.

They walked out of the office, Anna now holding her flowers, and returned to their offices as if their lives had not just changed forever. At the end of the day John waited outside Anna's office to walk her to the bus and rubbed his fingers over her ring through the fabric of her glove. They stood as close as they could at the stop, John holding Anna closer when she shivered in the wind.

"I'm sorry."

Anna tipped her head back slightly, swatting John's coat. "It's not like you can control the weather Mr. Bates."

"I am sorry about the cold but that's not why I said it." John turned his body to shield her from the wind. "I'm sorry it took me so long. That I was an idiot about it all. That I handled Vera and that situation so poorly. Mostly I'm sorry that I abandoned you or made you feel, even for a moment, that you weren't exactly what I'd give my life to keep forever."

"John-"

"Please," John held her hands, "I need to tell you, above what I promised you in that office that was far less than you deserve, that I'm never leaving you again. Not just because of the baby or because we're married but because you're more myself than I am."

Anna smiled, " _Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same_."

John chuckled, "I forgot you liked Emily Bronte."

"No you didn't and you know that _Wuthering Heights_ is my favorite book." Anna wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling John close in an embrace. "And I didn't ever need a white wedding or a church or even ten guests to see me marry the man I love."

"You deserved all of that."

"Maybe," Anna shrugged against him, "But I always knew that it was better to get the right man than the right wedding and that's what I got."

"Me?"

"Yes you." Anna smiled at him as the bus approached, "For good and proper."

"For good and proper." John agreed, helping her onto the bus before taking the seat next to her. "However, whenever, whatever."


	12. The Gift

John snuck back under the covers, slipping as slowly as he could behind Anna but she started when her feet touched his. Her yelp woke her and John cringed. She turned in bed, pulled the duvet with her, and tried to get her bearings before registering John there.

"Mr. Bates! What were you thinking bringing those ice cubes back in bed."

"I was hoping you wouldn't notice that Father Christmas had come." John adjusted, pulling Anna into his embrace, kissing at her neck slowly. "I guess I forgot how cold the floor is."

"Did you forget anything else?" Anna linked her fingers behind his head.

"All the gifts are under the tree."

"Everything"

"Everything," John nodded, his fingers tickling at the edge of Anna's nightgown. "Even the ones you hid in the back of your closet and the few you had to secret up in the attic with the baby things."

"Because he'd never look there." Anna raised an eyebrow and John stopped, his fingers stroking over Anna's thighs, bunching her nightdress at her waist. "I caught him digging in your old thins just two paces away."

"But he didn't find them." John teased back, running his nose along Anna's collarbone before lifting her nightdress completely away. "I know my son."

"I should hope so considering how he idolizes you." Anna allowed John to move her back onto the bed. "He was telling me last night how what he really wants for Christmas was a briefcase so he could carry his important papers with him."

"Did he now?" John grinned, pulling Anna's knickers down his legs before removing his own pajamas and pants. "I thought he wanted to fight fires or be a policeman."

"So did I but I guess all those hours you spent with him at your office ingrained in him this deep desire to-" Anna's breath caught as John kissed up her leg, leaving a zigzagging trail over her chest, and stopped her words with a kiss. "What's that for?"

"I realized I accidently lied to you." John worked his kisses back down her face. "And I needed to apologize again."

"What'd you lie about?" Anna whimpered as John's fingers ran over her folds.

"I told you I hadn't forgotten any gifts from Father Christmas." John paused, his mouth blowing hot air over Anna's breasts while she quivered under the steady assault of his hand at her core. "But I forgot one."

"What?" Anna tried to rise but John pressed her back. "John Bates I swear that if you… if you…"

John smiled as Anna could not get words past the catch in her breath as her pleasure rose. "It wasn't any of their gifts. All the presents that belong under the tree are there."

"Then what?"

"Your gift." John wrapped his lips over her breast and sought the spot that made Anna writhe in ecstasy. "So I'm giving it to you now."

Anna had no breath to respond. She gave over completely to the loving attentions of John's hands and mouth until her end came in a rush of sounds John did not have the mind to fear their children hearing. Instead he dragged the sensations out of her until her cry was no more than a whisper.

John pulled back, kissing softly back to her mouth. But Anna looped a leg over his and flipped him to his back. The rush of air that left him in surprise gave Anna the advantage as she mounted him.

Her legs, still weeping slightly from her climax, slid down his legs and Anna's hands wrapped over him. John grunted, scrunching his eyes closed at the feeling of her practiced hands working him to the edge of sanity. However, when her mouth wrapped over him, John's eyes flew open. His hips rutted of their own accord and Anna only pulled back to mount him at her desire, not his request.

Both took a moment to exult in the feeling before Anna guided John's hands to her hips. He kept his movements as slow as he had when working her to the peak. Anna matched his movements, keeping her hips rolling and rocking on him.

With a sudden burst John sat up, his arm wrapping Anna closer to his chest. She clutched at the back of his neck to hold herself steady as John drove his hips upward. Her hand dragged his back to her center, forcing his fingers between them so her movements rubbed shameless against him.

Even in the low light of their bedroom John could not take his eyes away from the sight of where Anna sank and drew back from him. The shine there proof enough of what they brought out in one another. With the sounds of their panting filling John's ears he pressed hard on Anna's nerves.

She broke with a cry and John followed with a few more thrusts. They collapsed back to the bed, Anna draped over his chest, and tried to find their strength again. John trailed his fingers in her hair, sighing.

"Happy Christmas Anna."

She lifted herself up, kissing him, "Happy Christmas John."

He kissed at her cheek and shifted, "We need to either bathe now or risk the little feet and bodies finding us in this position when they insist that five is the time Father Christmas insisted they open their gifts."

"I know." Anna dragged herself off John, pulling his hand, "But our bathtub is large enough for both of us."

"Mrs. Bates," John feigned scandal. "If I'd known you were this racy I'd-"

"You'd what?" Anna taunted but John wrapped his arms around her waist to catch her and take her breath away with a kiss.

"I'd have married you sooner."

* * *

John smiled to himself, watching his oldest son run about the room with the toy airplane before it started it's bombing run on the train set his youngest son just finished rescuing from the invasion of brightly colored ponies their sister drove over the sitting room floor. Gurgling laughter came from his knee and John changed his hold slightly on his daughter, helping her better see the activity her hands reached forward to grasp.

"Not yet little one." John stood, bringing her to his chest and smiling at the sight of Anna dozing in her chair, oblivious to the noise in the room. "But give it a year and you'll be with them on the floor."

John took his position at the window and looked out at the falling darkness. As he went to close the curtains he saw a figure standing under the nearest streetlamp, looking in at their home. He squinted and then smiled to himself when he recognized Eve.

Waving to her John beckoned her to join them but Eve shook her head. John frowned, beckoning to her again. Again she refused him and brought her fingers up to snap them. A second later John's daughter cried in delight, bringing her siblings to the window in a flurry to shout with joy at the signs of snow.

In their mad dash to grab coats and gloves so they could enjoy the outdoors, the ignored the gifts for the joys of nature instead. John looked back to the window and noted how Eve threw the scarf he had given her over her shoulder. She tipped her head toward him, bringing her fingers to her forehead in salute, and disappeared into the dark.

"John?" He turned to see Anna, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, "What is it?"

"Just an angel in the snow helping me remember something."

"What?"

"The best gift." John kissed Anna, "The greatest gift."


End file.
